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shadowed-dancer · 9 months ago

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I watched the Netflix atla and I have thoughts

I will break them down into positives, negatives, and assorted, but if you want the short version: it's better than the M Night Shyamalan film.

Positives

I like that Zuko's crew is the 41st division. It's a cute detail, and honestly I had always wondered how they chose soldiers to accompany an exiled prince

I actually liked Suki's characterization. Like yeah, I believe that girl has never had contact with outsiders. And I think her chemistry with Sokka is great! I can't wait for her to come back and see more of the world (her "thank you for bringing the world to me" line is cute when you consider he brought her an air, water, and fire bender... less cute that her village almost got destroyed but still)

Hot take: I don’t mind that they cut Sokka’s sexism arc. It was minimal in the original series to begin with, and with the pacing of the Netflix series it would have been pointless and rushed. I truthfully believe that if they hadn't mentioned the cut beforehand, 5 people at most would have noticed it was gone

Wow Koh the Face Stealer is SO MUCH WORSE in live action. So gross. His face BLINKS. 10/10 to whoever designed that, I hated it and recognize that it was perfect. I look forward to seeing it in my nightmares (also I don't mind the change of "don't show any expression". It still works)

Gyatso telling Aang that it wasn't his fault and that he wouldn't have been able to do anything was so sweet and important to me, especially with all the other adults in this series being turned into Grade-A assholes. It’s been a while since I watched the entire original series but were the adults THIS mean about it in the original? I know the occasional random townsperson would say "you abandoned us" but I don’t remember people like Bumi or THE OTHER AVATARS blaming him like that (I know this is the positive section but just to be clear, the positive is the Gyatso scene. Turning everyone else so mean will be touched upon in the negatives)

All of Gyatso's scenes were actually amazing. I cried. Also finding his body hit so much harder in live action.

Leaves from the Vine playing during Lu Ten's funeral and then again when Iroh chose to go with Zuko... I tearbended HARD at that one

I think they did a good job merging three story lines into Omashu. I know it may bother some fans, but for the time they had I thought combining all of those together within the city was clever. Plus, since we see the city get taken at the end of the season, we feel more invested since we spent more time there! (I'm also glad they didn't destroy the Northern Air Temple... that always bothered me)

The sets are lovely. They look so similar to the original show and it makes me happy to simply see these places come to life. I got so giddy seeing Omashu you don't even understand

I like the interpretation of Aang’s tattoo. That was actually the one thing I liked from the M Night Shyamalan film (intricate designs rather than a straight blue block) and I feel this is an even better interpretation (the designs are more subtle until he lights up)

The wink and nod to the great divide (and other episodes like the pirates) was cute. I do wish we got to see some adventures of the kids bonding, but boy am I glad they didn't feel the need to adapt the great divide

I liked that they sang secret tunnel a little early. The second the mechanist brought up the secret tunnels I burst into song on instinct, so it's only fair the characters do the same

I liked Zuko having a notebook on the avatars. Of course he would have made that. And I liked that Aang used it as a reference

I liked how they teased the "my cabbages!" line before giving us the real thing. Just a fun thing for fans of the original

Negatives

The first episode had so much exposition it actually felt exhausting. Also Zuko really came out of the gate swinging with his motivation, eh? No nuance or slowly unveiling why he wants to capture Aang? Ok...

Ozai confused me. After finishing the season I believe Ozai's motivation was "sacrifice the weak to become strong, use Zuko to fuel Azula to be better" but it felt so confusing to get there. There was a point where I thought he genuinely wanted to see Zuko grow and find the avatar, and while it's fine for Zuko to think that, it felt weird for us to be jerked around like that (especially the in-between point where it feels like he prefers his banished son to his spy-catching daughter).

I also don’t like the way he acts with Azula (again, I know it's an act, but it's a bothersome change). He calls her performance below average. What happened to "she’s a true prodigy, just like her grandfather for whom she was named"? When characters like Mai and Zhao have to tell us "he's just playing games" it feels like they are telling rather than showing. "She's a true prodigy" SHOWS US he has a very obvious favourite. "He's playing with you" TELLS US that he's lying, and we therefore need to just accept that Azula is actually his favourite even though nothing he has done supports that

I don’t like that Aang was heading North due to a premonition from Kyoshi. I always liked how "the avatar must travel the world and find their own teachers in order to care for the world". Why not let him look for teachers? It enforces the idea of the avatar needing to care for all nations in order to protect all nations. I feel like it was supposed to go for this new direction of “the avatar must do it alone” but unfortunately I don't like that message as much

I mentioned in the positive section, but so many of the characters are weirdly mean (specifically the adult characters). I feel like they are trying to go for a message like "childlike mentality isn’t bad and it’s this innocence that will succeed where adults failed" but it just comes across as every grownup but Gyatso being the worst. Why are Kyoshi and Kuruk yelling so much and blaming Aang for everything? I feel like the goal will ultimately be to prove them wrong, but I do not like this characterization

Zuko’s scar needed to be SO MUCH WORSE. Something I love about the original is that every time we look at Zuko, we get a horrific reminder of what kind of person the Fire Lord is. It didn't just make his skin a little red, his eye is stuck in a permanent squint. His ear is shrivelled. You can tell that it was BAD. Here? He could cover it with makeup if it bothers him that much. Where's the texture? Where's the ear and eye damage? Sometimes it looks more like a birthmark than a serious injury. At the very least, take away his eyebrow!

Sokka and Katara’s being trapped in the spirit world was lowkey a little dumb but I get what they were going for (it's more urgent than them needing to suck on frogs). It just makes it seem worse when Aang is sitting there chatting with Zuko about his brushes. Like I loved the conversation but the fact that Sokka and Katara's lives were in danger (along with the villagers) makes Aang seem weirdly dismissive in that moment

Also... I just realized while typing this, but did they give us an ending to Hei Bai being in pain? Did I completely forget the resolution to that or was it not shown?

I don't like that Zuko chose to fight in the Agni Kai. Seeing him on the ground begging forgiveness and THAT'S the kid Ozai scars and banishes is way more impactful than "he fought but didn't go all out"

This shit went off the rails in episode 7. Why is Yue a fox who just chills in the spirit world? What happened to Tui and La? Push and pull? Yin and Yang? I got confused somewhere along the way

Am I the only one who felt the Yue and Sokka kiss came out of nowhere? She literally said she called off her betrothal when she was 16 (before meeting Sokka) because that dude wasn't the right guy. But then the kiss immediately after implies Sokka is the right guy??? The guy you didn't know existed??? Or are we supposed to infer that she fell in love with him in the spirit world? Either one is so bad pleasssseee

I infinitely prefer Zuko trying to save Zhao and Zhao choosing to die out of sheer stubbornness, compared to Iroh killing Zhao to save Zuko. Like yeah, he'd do anything for Zuko, but I felt that crossed a line (and was less impactful)

Assorted Thoughts

They mentioned the mother of faces, are we gonna see Zuko’s mom get addressed at some point? Or was that just a wink and a nod for fans who know?

The kids are pretty good actors but Katara’s sometimes feels like she's… in a school play. For lack of a better description. She's not bad, it just doesn't always feel natural or as expressive as she could be

Yue's actress on the other hand... look I don't like insulting child actors but her performance was not my favourite

Meanwhile, I loved the casting for Zuko and Aang. I like this slightly-less-angry Zuko, and Aang's actor has such a sweet face that it hurt me to see him sad

I wish we got to see an Agni Kai between Zuko and Zhao. Simply because establishing it early helps introduce us to this idea. It makes it more impactful when Ozai declares Zuko must fight, since we now know what that entails

I feel like the series is at its best when it's doing it’s own thing (the Gyatso scenes, Suki's new characterization, Lu Ten's funeral) and is at its weakest when it's trying to copy the original

#atla #atla live action #natla #zuko #aang #sokka #katara #azula

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nunchiimagines · 4 years ago

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OT7 Request

When They’re Dating Someone Who’s Blasian

Requested By: @delicatejudgegoopmonger

Request: Ok um i just want to say that I love you and your blog so much i want to cry , u have such a way with your work and I love it 💜But as a blasian I was wondering if u could do a OT7 request with a blasian y/n and what it would be like being in a relationship with each other and all fluff ( i hope that makes sense and I'm sorry if this is so long 😅 😔 you don't have to do this if it's understandable) love you and I hope your staying safe and healthy 💖

— Pairing: BTS x Reader

— Genre: Fluff

— Word Count: 3.1k

— Warnings: beginning stages of sexual harassment, ignorance, racism, jealousy

~MASTERLIST~

**AUTHOR’S NOTE**

Here’s request number 6! I’ll admit I kinda got a bit self-indulgent on this one as I could relate to this strongly! Some of the situations that take place are based off of my own personal experiences as someone who is also blasian. This does not mean all people who are blasian have experienced this. With that being said, this kinda turned out to be a “When They’re Jealous” type of story as well. Please enjoy!

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“That guy’s pretty irritating.” Jimin admitted under his breath as one of the make-up artists was doing touch ups.

She let out a slight chuckle from his statement, causing him to smile in response.

“Eh, it’s not so bad. He’s just a bit friendly.” Hoseok said, fixing his tie.

“A tad bit too friendly.”

You had an interesting relationship with BTS. To put it simply, you were dating all 7 members in secret. To the public eye, you were just a staff member. And to anyone who managed to see your interactions with the guys out in the open, you were merely a friend. You had met them a little over a year ago. An acquaintance of Pdogg’s referenced you as a lyricist for the title track for last year's released album. Namjoon and Yoongi were two of the main writers for thar track, with massive input from the other members, but when you shed your own creative light onto it, needless to say the entire world was amazed.

They had loved your skills so much that they continued to ask you for input on the other tracks, other albums, as well as personal work. Even Jungkook confided in you (albeit shyly) when he was preparing to release another song for ARMY. The more they spent time with you the more they got to know you on a much more personal level. They discovered your creative mindset extended passed words but also to art and design. So when Jimin wanted to do a MV for a personal song, you offered up a perfect physical representation of what he had envisioned.

It got to the point where you even extended your services to TXT and sometimes even ENHYPEN. At that point, Big Hit had hired you as an independent contractor and then as a permanent worker within the last few months. You were one of very few foreign workers under Big Hit and you felt very honored. The day you were celebrated for becoming a full time employee was the day the guys drank a little too much. Alcohol was never really a fan favorite for you so you opted on some soda. However, something that was supposed to be lighthearted and fun kinda turned unexpected. And it was Jimin who started to spill the beans on the subtle nuances of their feelings for you.

“Y/n~” Jimin cooed out.

“Gahh! Why are you so prettyyy??” he continued to whine louder.

Jungkook and Taehyung giggled uncontrollably causing Jimin to do the same. Their faces were beat red and they fell every which way with wide smiles. Namjoon couldn’t help the laughing fit bubbling inside of him either and Jin watched in amusement.

“You really are very beautiful Y/n.” Hoseok said seriously.

His eyes were glazed over and he could feel his heart beating.

“She’s more than beautiful! She’s...she’s gorgeous! I wish…” Jimin said hiccuping then laughing again.

“It’s so loud…” he mumbled in embarrassment.

Your cheeks were flushed from the compliments but you were curious where this conversation would go.

“What’s so loud Hobi?” you asked him gently.

“My heart...It’s so loud when you’re around. But now it’s screaming at me.” he whined.

“Ooh! Ooh! Mine does too!” Jungkook happily cheered.

“It goes BOOM BOOM BOOM! It’s so fast when I see her smile! Like I was exercising or...or...um…” he said trailing off trying hard to think.

“Or like you were exercising?” Jin attempted to finish.

“Yeeeaaahhhhh~” he said.

They both bursted into laughter after that, their faces fixed on a temporary smile.

“Y/n...I think I’m falling in love with you.” Taehyung said slumped over on top of Jimin.

“Love can’t even begin to describe it.” Namjoon mumbled with a shy smile.

Your heart skipped a beat your face had reddened. Anyone who would have walked in would assume you all were drunk with how red you were. You took a deep breath and calmed yourself down as much as possible.

“As much as I appreciate your kind words, I think we should call it a night. I have a feeling you guys don’t even realize what you're saying...or if you even mean it.” you explained, coaxing Taehyung off of Jimin and pushing them to their rooms.

“I think you may be mistaken.” Yoongi piped in.

You stopped in your tracks, realizing that Yoongi was always pretty good at holding his liquor. You were surprised he didn’t even attempt to deny their drunk claims and waited for him to elaborate.

“I think I can safely say that we all feel the same way towards you.”

You bit your lip, nervousness coursing through your body at the unbelievable words coming from Yoongi. And because they came from him specifically, it made them all the more believable. That scared you.

“And what...what way is that...exactly?” you asked hesitantly, unsure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Yoongi chuckled, avoiding your question to help lift Jin up.

“Just let them sober up tomorrow morning and we’ll explain more thoroughly then. You deserve to be told under more...appropriate circumstances. Especially when we’re in the right mind.” Yoongi vaguely clarified.

You didn’t want to push the issue and nodded your head in agreement. For the remainder of the night both Yoongi and yourself tidied up, put the members to rest, and exchanged goodbyes. The following day, you were placed in the living space where you were surrounded by nervous looking members with flushed faces, fiddling hands, and averted gazes. It was then they came clean to you about their harbored feelings and how it had been that way for quite some time. After a long talk and more expressing of feelings, you had agreed to be their girlfriend, in secret of course.

So now here we are today! You were granted permission to travel to America with them while on tour. Most of this was approved due to some of the members requesting your aid on personal projects they'd be working on throughout the progress of the tour. It was double beneficial because you got to see your family the closer they got to your hometown.

Currently, however, they were getting ready for an exclusive live radio show interview with a popular broadcaster here in Los Angeles. As exciting as this was for them to continue to spread their passion and message further, they couldn't help but notice how many of the males here often watched or stared at you. You had a unique beauty to you, one that was slightly different from some of the women they had encountered before.

When they first met you they were absolutely convinced you were in a relationship but when you admitted that you weren't and never had been, that changed the entire game.However, though they managed to bag someone as amazing as you, inside and out, they were proud of knowing that you were theirs and no one else's. But that didn’t stop them from experiencing jealousy.

As stated earlier your relationship is kept under serious wraps, so of course people were not aware you were taken. That only resulted in many suitors trying to swoon you, more often than you, yourself, even recognized. But they noticed it all the time, and now was one of those times where it was infuriating.

You were minding your own business when the co-host of today's show came up to you. He had a bright smile, a ruggedly handsome face, and was your typical run of the mill american male from california. He was shrouded in confidence and knew women wanted him. So he went in with no need to hold back or even really try that hard.

“I’m sorry, I couldn't help but notice you standing here. I’m pretty well versed in my staff and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around. Are you new?” he asked politely.

You looked up at him with a returning smile, too nice to see through his obvious ploy.

“Oh no! I don’t work here. I’m with the guys and their staff.” you corrected.

“The guys? Oh, you mean that K-pop group...BTS, right?” he said as if he just remembered who they were.

You slightly twitched at that, already feeling irritated by the way he said that, but let it go. You continued to smile and nodded your head to confirm his question.

“Wow, I thought only Koreans worked for them! They only speak Korean right? Do you know the language?” he asked ignorantly.

“I can get by.” you stated with a bit more curtness in your voice.

“I see. Well you know...forgive me for my assumptions, but you kinda...look asian. Are you Korean? No wait...maybe Indian?” he asked.

“Do you mean Native American?”

“Yeah, same thing right?”

It took everything in your willpower not to visibly display disgust but before you even had a chance to say anything, the man kept going.

“Wow, maybe filipino? Or, half white? You have really interesting features. It’s very exotic! You could be a model with looks like yours.” he attempted to compliment.

“Thank...you?” you said in more of a questioning tone.

He laughed, thinking he was actually getting somewhere with you despite the clear cut ignorance and inappropriate actions. He grabbed for your arm and rubbed his fingers slightly over the exposed areas. A shiver ran down your spine at that.

“But seriously, what are you? I'm so intrigued.” he asked.

“Y/n.” a voice called out to you.

Both you and the co-host looked at the owner of the sudden voice. It was Yoongi. To the untrained eye, Yoongi held the same stoic expression. One that could be mistaken for icey cold and distant. But you knew that he was irritated and annoyed, more than likely by the man who still hadn’t let go of you yet.

“Yoongi!” you said a little too excited, appreciation coursing through you.

He could tell you were feeling uncomfortable and decided to step in. Normally he’d let guys like this run their course of trying to win you over before evidently failing in the end. But when he started to touch you, he got irritated. He wasn’t the only one. The co-host had spotted intense glares coming from both Hoseok and Jimin.

“Are you okay?” he asked in Korean.

“I’m good. Just a bit uncomfortable.” you responded.

“Let’s head back to the others. We have a bit of time before it starts.” he said.

You nodded your head and politely released his hold on you. He never broke eye contact, a slight smirk of stubbornness still clear on his face.

“I see you got to go take care of them. I’ll see you around…?” he paused, waiting for you to give your name.

“Y/n.” you said with slight hesitation, not really wanting to give up that piece of information.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” he declared before walking away.

By the time you turned around Jimin and Hoseok were crowding you.

“That guy was so irritating!” Hoseok admitted with an annoyed scowl on his face.

“I told you! We should’ve walked over here sooner!” Jimin whined.

“At least he’s gone now.” Yoongi sighed out.

“Baby, you might need to be locked in a room when we do stuff like this.” Hoseok teased.

You laughed at that, knowing they didn’t really mean that...fully.

“It’s like these guys have never seen a pretty girl before.” Yoongi said, based on his observations.

“What was he saying to you anyway?” Jimin asked.

“He asked me what I was.” you plainly stated.

There was a sudden pause with looks of confusion.

“He what?” Jimin questioned with a slight tilt of his head.

“What does that mean?” Hoseok laughed.

“Did he mean...your ethnicity?” Yoongi asked.

“BINGO. I actually get that asked more often than you’d think. I think most people can tell I’m black but then when they look at me closely they start seeing several other ethnicities. I’ve received Filipino, Native American, and a couple of others. But I admit, no one’s ever called me white before.” you giggled thinking back on the man’s question.

“Have they never seen someone of mixed race before? Seems kinda odd for the United States.” Hoseok said.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. Though we are considered a mixing pot, there are plenty of people who have never seen black people before. When my mom was in college her first roommate was shocked because she had never seen a black person in real life.” you stated matter-of-factly.

“WHAT?!” Hoseok shouted.

“I’d not expect that from a place like here!” Yoongi chimed in.

“There’s all sorts of stories people could tell you! But we can save that for another time. I think it’s time for you to go on air.” you pointed out.

The first half of the interview went fairly smoothly. Despite the co-hosts' earlier display of ignorance, both him and the host were actually quite knowledgeable and respectful towards the guys. It seemed as though they were enjoying themselves. But now they were on a short break. You were waiting in the back for them to step off of the stage. Jungkook and Taehyung made a beeline towards you, as they didn’t have a chance to see you earlier before they started.

“You both did so well! Your english has improved even more so than last time! I can already see it now; ARMY’s everywhere posting how proud they are of you all! How do you both feel?” you asked, praising them.

“I actually feel really good!” Jungkook admitted first.

“I think I nailed down what I wanted to say and I didn’t feel as nervous.”

Taehyung nodded in agreement, a small boxy smile forming on his face.

“Thank you for helping us when hyung couldn't.” Taehyung said happily.

“Aww~ of course! But honestly, you guys always do so well on your own. I can’t take the credit for that.”

“Y/n!” a sudden voice interrupted.

The three of you looked up at the approaching co-host. The air shifted slightly when he came up to you, not even giving the other two the time of day. You had kept a mental note of this. Taehyung and Jungkook were quick to realize it as well and were visibly not happy. Especially Taehyung.

“When this interview finally ends, there’s something I’d like to ask you. In private.” he emphasized that last part cutting looks to the other two.

Taheyung glared harder at the man and Jungkok perched an eyebrow upwards. When he placed his gaze back onto you, you held a look of slight annoyance.

“It’s okay, you can just ask me now.” you challenged.

He was a bit taken aback, looking at the guys then back at you again. He smiled.

“Well, I guess I could. It’s not like they’d understand me anyway.” he laughed.

“Excuse me-”

You were about to go off on him when the signal sounded for everyone to come back together again. You had to bite your tongue this time, Jungkook reaching for your hand to squeeze it really quickly in reassurance. You hated westerners openly being rude, mocking, or looking down on the guys just because they didn’t meet their standards. This guy was grating on your nerves but you knew you needed to stay quiet for their sake. At least for now.

When the second half of the interview started up, you noticed a slight change in the co-host’s attitude. It felt like he was testing the guys, challenging them as if he was superior in every way, shape, and form. It was pissing you off and you weren’t the only one to realize it. Jimin and Yoongi held an intimidating look, Taehyung’s face was stoic and uninterested, Hoseok and Namjoon were stern and filled with observation, and lastly Jin and Jungkook tried to keep their faces from displaying the feelings of rising tension. Luckily, it was finally over.

When you guys gathered into the waiting room one last time, Jin had instantly migrated towards you. He had noticed that something was wrong and wanted to cheer you up the best way he could. He took your hands in both of his and started doing dynamic poses with them, you guys mirroring each other in silly ways. He then started to serenade you dramatically which instantly caused you to start giggling. Namjoon found enjoyment in this and started singing off key on purpose to make you laugh even harder as well.

You were so caught up in you guys messing around that you didn’t notice two eyes boring into you. They were filled with annoyance, arrogance, and a challenge. Clearing his throat to get your attention, you looked up surprised and then slightly annoyed. It was him. Again.

Jin and Namjoon watched every move he made. He looked at you then at your hands interlaced with Jin. When neither of you showed that you were going to let go he glared subtly. That must've irked Jin because he began to play with your hands again so clearly in front of him.

“Did you need something?” Namjoon asked.

“Oh! I forgot you knew english. RM, right? Yeah well actually Ms. Y/n and I agreed to have a talk.” he said glancing back over at you with a sly smile.

When Namjoon and Jin still hadn’t left like he had hoped, he straightened up and coughed.

“Privately, that is.” he added with more curtness in his voice.

There was loud laughter coming from the back of a room, Jungkook barreling out to hug you tightly around the waist. Taehyung followed closely behind, the same child-like look present on his face.

“Yah! You can’t use her as a shield!” Taehyung argued with a laugh.

When the two youngest started playing around you, they completely disregarded the co-host standing by...as well as Jin and Namjoon. They all caused a ruckus that only made you laugh even harder. The co-host looked irritated at this point but then started to notice certain things.

The way Jungkook’s hands were gripping your hips. How close you were in Taehyung’s arms. How you still refused to let go of Jin’s hands. The way Jimin and Hoseok glared at him. When Yoongi interfered with his flirting. And now Namjoon looking him straight in the eyes with a smug smirk, his dimples showing. He slowly started to put it together and he knit his brows.

“Actually, forget it.” he announced.

“You sure?” Namjoon questioned.

The man glared at Namjoon one last time before turning his back on him.

“Yeah, she’s clearly occupied. Exoctic girls like that were always a bit more, experimental. Even if they could do better.” Namjoon’s jaw clenched but he knew better than to even entertain the man.

He knew that’s what he wanted them to do; react. And Namjoon was not going to do that. In the end they got you and you got them. Nothing was going to take that away.

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#bts #bts x you #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x woc #bts x poc #bts x blasian reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts poly fic #bts poly!au #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #writing requests

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szallejhscorner · 4 years ago

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Trial and Error

How Long is Forever - Part 13

2.2k words, @nek0dzuken @amortentiaz @sadeyesgf @beewolfwrites @lilithlamorgue @lindsayjoy444 @booksandhoneymilktea @celestiacq

TIME LIMIT FOR THE THIRD ROOM: 10 MINUTES.

“Oh, great. How much time will it be for the last room? 10 seconds?” One of the twins mutters while all of you examine the room as soon as the light has turned on.

The atmosphere has once more returned to the dark and medieval style from the entrance: wooden floors and cold stone walls covered in faded tapestry, candlesticks everywhere. Just that the candles aren’t real this time; the electric lights flicker softly, and only from a distance could they be mistaken with fire.

Some parts of the furniture don’t seem to fit the old and mysterious aura though: On the left wall is a huge fuse panel, and on the right you can see a hutch that keeps a key inside. A warning sign for high voltage is printed above the hutch, and the message is obvious.

Your eyes wander to the next door, and it seems to require a normal key to open just like the first room. But is the key inside the hatch the right one, or will the answer be a bit more twisted?

One way or another, ten minutes isn’t much time to find out. You feel a streak of panic rise up, and you try to take a few deep breaths to calm it down. The heavy weight of the collar around your neck is painfully apparent to you, and it doesn’t help against the anxiety. But it isn’t their purpose to suffocate you, you’re still able to breathe. In and out. In and out.

Just as you have managed to swallow down the panic, someone rudely barges into your side and as you look up, you stare right into the big guy’s grin. “Now look who’s scared! Our tiny mouse here wants their mommy, eh? How about you join the sewer rat here!” He shoves Hibiki towards you with so much force that the poor boy loses balance and stumbles to the ground, and you offer your hand to help him up.

“If only he would have been the one to get killed by the acid,” Hibiki hisses towards the other guy, and your eyes widen in surprise at the burning hate in his voice and eyes. It doesn’t fit the usually scared and insecure boy, but who is there to blame him after all the threats and hints of violence he had to face because of the big guy?

You pull him into a short hug, and you do recognize the frown on Chishiya’s face as he watches you. “Hibiki! Don’t say that,” you whisper to the boy, but do you really disagree? The mute woman has done no harm to anyone at least during the game, while Mr. Muscle just doesn’t seem to stop harassing other people. He wouldn’t be missed if he was the one lying on the ground, his face eaten away by the acid and the blood he has drawn from you…

Hibiki heads to the fuse panel, and you take a step forward and almost stumble over the deep-pile carpet that covers a huge part of the room. It’s kept in different nuances of brown, with a weird pattern that would only be labeled beautiful in a weird museum.

While Hibiki fruitlessly tries to open the panel, you walk past the big guy who is examining the hatch from a safe distance and softly touch Chishiya’s shoulder. “I wish he’d touch it and die from an electric shock.”

Chishiya snorts, hands shifting inside his pocket. “I know he has hurt you, but this is not the time to be angry. Focus on the important things for now.”

The blonde in front of you has never been the caring person, but you have still hoped for at least a few words of comfort. Why is he not even doing anything to keep the big guy away from you?

You search his face for an emotion telling you that he cares, but there is nothing. It’s as blank as when he has watched the silent woman suffer and die in agony.

“Did… did you know she had chosen the acid?”

“I had a feeling about it.”

You swallow down the bitter taste in your mouth. “Why didn’t you tell her she was wrong?” She could have been saved. She didn’t have to die.

Chishiya sighs and you feel his breath on your skin. “Because I am not responsible for others.”

“You could have saved her life!” Some of the others turn towards you and you clench your teeth so you won’t start to shout.

“But I don’t care about that.”

With a burning face, you place your hand on Chishiya’s chest, and you feel his heartbeat under your touch. Calm and steady. Uncaring.

“What about me, then?” You ask, and one of his eyebrows is raised questioningly. “Would you have saved me?”

It’s a stupid question. Right in front of the game area, he had said himself that he would accompany you to make sure you wouldn’t do anything stupid. You just can’t understand why he won’t be like that to others. It wouldn’t have hurt him to stop the mute woman before she got herself killed. Why did he have to watch how his feeling would turn out?

Chishiya places his hand above yours, and it would be easy for you to lose yourself somewhere in those deep brown eyes – if it wasn’t for the timer running down.

“Let’s adjourn this argument and focus on clearing the game for now.” He squeezes your hand tight for a moment and steps aside to point towards a certain spot on the wall. You have mixed feelings about the fact that he didn’t answer your question, but you quickly realize what he has been indicating at.

It seems as if the stone wall has been smudged with dirt, however as you lean forward to look more closely, you can see that the smudge is actually writing. Black and rough letters adorn the stone, probably written on it with charcoal, and some of them are barely recognizable.

“Co… connect the… the what?” You can’t decipher the last word, but Chishiya does it for you, and he speaks loud enough so everyone in the room can hear it.

“Connect the dots.”

“Like a puzzle or what?” It’s the other man who speaks up now, and you almost forgot about his presence because he barely said a word so far. “And we’re supposed to find each part and put it together?”

Hibiki throws a questioning look towards your direction. “Like that child’s game, where you connect several dots with a pen to get a full picture? But what does it have to do with the key?”

As far as you can see, there is nothing in this room that could be connected. The fuse panel and the hatch are the only things so far that could be useful, and as you glance to the timer, three minutes have passed already.

Someone laughs, and you immediately recognize the rattling and scornful sound that causes shivers to run down your spine. Your hand automatically clasps around the bandage on your arm, and the throbbing pain of the cut comes to the fore once more.

Mr. Muscle ruffles Hibiki’s hair, and the boy screams out and scrambles away as quickly as he can, but the big guy doesn’t bother. “Actually something smart coming from the mouth of that kid! We do have dots that we can connect after all.”

With a single step, he’s back at the wall and pats something that you haven’t noticed before. It looks like a dark blue round badge attached to one of the stones, and as a muscle-covered arm points towards the opposite wall, the long-haired twin shouts out and reveals a similar badge at her side.

“How do you want to connect them though? I haven’t seen a rope or something that could be used for that…” Hibiki has joined the twin and is now poking at the badge, probably trying to find out if it’s a button or if something is hidden behind it.

“We don’t have time to search for something.” You say, shaking your head, and you swallow as the big one’s eyes are piercing down at you again.

“Oh? So what do you suggest, little mouse?”

Despite him still standing a couple of steps away from you, you want to retreat as far as you can, but the cold stone immediately stops you from doing so. “I… I thought about a human chain. We could try to connect those things by touching our hands. This room has something to do with electricity, so maybe it’s some kind of impulse that needs to be passed through?”

The big guy laughs once more and claps his hands. “Wow, this will be so embarrassing if it doesn’t work. Come on, guys, let’s hold hands like toddlers on hiking day!”

You’re startled for a moment that no one seems to complain about your idea, and Chishiya reaches for your hand with an acknowledging look. The chain is quickly set up, with big guy and the long-haired twin ready to touch the badges and you placed in the middle of the room. Chishiya holds your left hand, and you’re glad that he separates you from the big guy, while your other hand tightly clutches around Hibiki’s trembling fingers.

“What… what if we all get electrocuted?” he asks with shaking voice, and Chishiya only snorts.

One of the twins counts down from three to zero, and you pray that something will happen – something that won’t kill you. The big guy was right about one thing: if it doesn’t work, it will be an embarrassing situation for sure. On the other side, none of you wants to get electrocuted, but there is no high-voltage warning next to the badges, so it should most likely be safe.

A tingling runs through your hands, and from other silent gasps you assume that it really works. The tingle reaches to your neck and the faintly vibrating collar makes you hold your breath, but nothing else happens to you. A single beeping sound can be heard, and the fuse panel opens with a click.

“Now, now. Who would have guessed the mouse was right?” The big guy releases himself from the chain and opens the panel so all the fuses inside become visible. You count a total of ten, and you wonder if all of them have to be tripped to intercept the electricity supply of the hatch.

Only when you feel the eyes of the others resting on your figure, you realize that you have spoken out your thoughts loud. The man who hasn’t said that much so far shakes his head and points towards the carpet under your feet, and a nose piercing twinkles in the dim lights of the room.

“No. That seems too easy for me. But look at the patterns on the floor – don’t they look similar to the fuses?”

You step down from the carpet and take a closer look. It has looked just like a normal ugly piece of furniture to you, but now that he mentions it, you can see it as well. A certain pattern seems to repeat a total of ten times, even though there are some differences. Some of the patterns point towards the exit door, while the rest points towards the other side.

“Those patterns could indicate which fuses we have to trip to get access to the key. Just… the sequence is different if you look at it from the other side. So which perspective is right?”

Tilting your head, you try to further examine the carpet. There are no further indications for which side is the right to start, but the sequences completely differ depending on the view. “Trial and error,” you mutter as the bad feeling in your stomach returns.

The long-haired twin kneels down and touches the carpet, then lifts her eyes towards the locked door and the timer. Less than four minutes left. “We want to get out of this room, so let’s try the sequence from this point of view first, since we’re looking straight to the door.”

Piercing gives through the sequence while Mr. Muscle trips the respective fuses, and all of you stare to the hatch, waiting for some signal to appear.

“Are you sure it was the right order?” Hibiki asks as nothing seems to happen, and the big guy grunts in return. “Shouldn’t there be any sign that we made it right?”

The twin kneeling on the carpet gets up with a sigh and heads to the hatch after throwing one last look at you. “It’s trial and error, right?”

The foreboding makes your stomach churn, and you dig your nails into your skin as you watch the girl reach out her hand for the key.

Death comes quickly this time. As soon as the voltage shoots through her body, it paralyses her heart. For a second longer, her body tenses, fingers still bent as if reaching for the key, and then she falls down.

You barely hear the pained cries of her sister, nor the strident discussions of the men behind you. The smell of burnt flesh fills your nose, and all you can do is stare at the hatch – that still holds the key as if nothing has ever happened.

#chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x reader #aib chishiya #shuntaro chishiya #alice in borderland #aib #how long is forever

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johnismyreason · 5 years ago

Text

Every night and every morning // John Shelby x Female!Reader

Hi everyone ! First of all I really hope you and your family are all doing fine. This quarantine sucks but it is much needed ! Don’t worry it won’t last. I hope that this will give you a little bit of joy if you know what I mean 😏 This is one is a request from @enjoy-the-destruction asking: “Wondering if you would do a smut based around the same time as Peaky and John manages to make the reader squirt for the first time? 🤞☺️ As many words as you like, as smutty as you like. You know I love your style 🥰” Thank you again girl for the request ! I had fun writing this piece :)

Words: 3k wtf ?

Warnings: smutty smut smut, fingering, oral (fem receiving), squirt, fluff, tiny bit of angst, bad English because your girl is French

YOU MUST BE 18+ TO READ THIS

It was such a good night. You hadn't shared one like this with John in a long time. He was always here and there, dealing with some “serious business”, as he always says, with his brothers. The rare evenings you spent together were usually late nights actually, when he’s done with his family. You always come second, and it started to really bother you.

“John, it’s 2 in the morning, what the hell are you doing here ?” you yawned, annoyed he made you get up from you bed.

“I just wanted to see my favourite girl” he grinned trying to step in your apartment. He frowned when he realised you’re not letting him in. “What’s going on ?”

“I’m working early tomorrow and I’m tired.” you stomped clearly wishing for this conversation to end so you can go back to sleep.

“It’s alright love, I can just lay in your bed with you, we’re not forced to make love.” he caressed your cheek but you moved your head to let his hand fall.

“I’m not just tired physically, John” you sighed. “I’m tired mentally because I always come second. You come see me only when you are done with your family and your job. I’m never your number one priority. Never. You knock on my door in the middle of the night, waking me up and expect me to let you in so you can have your fuck and leave in the early morning. And I’m dumb because I always let you in, because I love you.” You were whispering so fast to not wake the whole building up, that you were out of breath. Also because your heart was beating so fast. You didn’t know if it was because you were angry or because it was simply John who had this effect on you everytime you see him. Maybe a little bit of both.

John was caught out of surprise. He didn’t know you were feeling like this. “Love, you’re not my second priority. You’re my family you’re-”

“Am I now ?” you cut him on the verge of crying. He saw your eyes glistening because of the tears that were threatening to fall, so he cupped your face with his reassuring hands.

“Of course. Look, I am so sorry if I made you feel like you were not important to me. You’re the most precious thing I have in my life. I’m so sorry, please, Y/N let me make it up, I-” you broke free from his grip, letting a tear run down his fingers as you go.

“You should go.” you just said, avoiding his eyes.

“Y/N, love” he tried to reach for you again, but you stepped back.

“Go.” you choked a sob. He tried to catch your eyes one last time before going. You closed the door and heard his footsteps go down the stairs.

The next day you got prepared for work. You hated being late so you always make sure to wake up early enough to have all the time you need. Everything was calculated. You grabbed your bag and opened the door only to see John standing outside your apartment. You jumped out of surprise.

“Jesus !” you gasped, a hand on your chest. “John…” he had a big smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers, your favourite, in his hands.

“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t want to scare you I was about to knock on the door”

“What are you doing here ?” you asked, still happy to see him even after last night.

He handed you the flowers and you tried your hardest to hide your smile. “I want to take you out tonight. Just us. At a regular hour of the evening.” You puffed a shy laugh. “Like before. Please, Y/N, say yes.” You looked at him and couldn’t resist to his beautiful blue eyes.

“Alright.” you ceded. John breathed again, a relieved smile spread on his face. He kissed you hard, crushing the flowers between your bodies.

“Mmm John ! The flowers !” you said your lips squeezed on his. You both laughed as he let you go put them in a vase. When you come back, John grabbed you by the hips and kissed you. Again and again, until you broke it.

“John, I’m going to be late for wo-” he cut you with another kiss making you forget what you were saying.

“Who cares about work, love ?” he mumbled against your rosy lips.

“Well I do, and I’m surprised to hear you say that” you responded taping his shoulder playfully. He rolled his eyes amused and let you go.

“Lemme walk you there, eh ?” he proposed caressing your cheek with his thumb. You smiled brightly and nodded, closing the door behind you.

When you walk outside, John automatically took your hand. Gosh, you missed him. And he missed you too. Everything looked so normal. You and him, walking hand in hand in the streets, goofing around, like a normal couple. Almost normal. He described you what he is going to be up to today and that was what brung you back to almost normal. You didn’t really like his “family business”, always worried he wouldn’t come back from it. But he does, so you try to not think a lot about it. You arrived at the clothing shop you’re working to. John spun you around so that your chest meets his. You giggled looking at him and his goofiness.

“I see you tonight, huh ?” he says with a smirk and a velvet voice, giving you chills. You nodded biting your lips and kissed him softly but he deepened it. You chuckled and let him go, pushing him away slightly. “Seven o’clock” he reminded you pointing his fingers and walking backwards.

“I know ! Leave now” you chuckled before entering the shop.

At seven o’clock sharp, John knocked on your door. He didn’t want to let one minute slips away of this night with you. The draught from the doorway when you opened it took with it your perfume that intoxicated John. He discovered you in a lavender dress, hair in its natural state with a hair clip on the side, the one he offered you for your last birthday. You were breathtaking and he was speechless.

“Love, you are…” he tried to find compliments but all of them were not enough to describe you. You smiled, feeling your cheeks becoming rosy.

“It’s a dress from the new collection at the shop. Thought I’d might buy it for our date. Do you like it ?” you asked shyly. He took your hand to make you twirl so he can take an overall look.

“You look like heaven, Y/N. I can’t believe you're my girl” he pulled you against his chest to place a chaste kiss on your forehead before adding one more passionate on your lips. He locked his eyes on yours, remembering every color nuances they have. “Let’s go ?” you nodded and followed him to his car which he opened for you and helped you climb in.

It was such a good night. You had dinner in this new fancy and very romantic restaurant in town, laughing, sharing everything you two missed from the other, drinking wine. You hadn’t have a night like this in a long time. Since your fourth date actually, and you’ve been together for two years now. John offered you to leave the restaurant and ending the night at his house, which you agreed.

You both stumbled in his house, laughing too hard on a joke John made. You took off your coats and laughed some more making your way to the living room. He walked towards you, catching you in his arms to steady you. You tried to catch your breath back when he cupped your delicate face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. He stared at you so lovingly, your heart stopped for a moment.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry you thought you were not important to me. I should have said no to Tommy when he called me. Spend more time with you, showing you how much I can’t live without you. I’m sorry, love.” He brushed away a strand of hair behind your ear. “I promise I will make things change to be with you more often. Every night and every morning, actually”.

Your heart sped up to his oath. “Really ?” you searched for a lie in his eyes but you didn’t find it.

“Really.” He kissed you softly and then more intensely, sliding his large hands to your waist and hips. You whined at his touch and felt your heat rising. John groaned when your fingers scrapped his hairless scalp. “Let me show you how much important you are to me, love, ‘right ?” you kissed him in response and let him lead the movements.

He lifted you in his muscular arms that always make you feel safe and protected, and climbed the stairs to the bedroom, while you explored his neck with your lips. He then put your feet back on the ground once you reached the room, at the bottom of the bed. Catching your lips with his, he started to undress you. His fingers were soft, never failing to give you chills, unbuttoning the back of your dress. When he flipped the last one, you slipped your hand under the sleeve on your shoulder to help him take it off.

“Don’t.” he stopped you, breaking the kiss. “Let me undress you. Let me make you feel good. Please” his last word expelled in a sigh, almost like a pray. You removed your hand to let him have full access to your body. He picked up his kiss from where he'd left it and he made your dress flow over your skin like a river, living you in only your undergarments. They were white and delicate. As soon as he put his eyes on you, he imagined what your wedding night would look like.

“Sweetheart…” he attempted to say something but he words died on lips when you connected yours. “You want to take off my clothes ?” he suggested.

“Yes…” you whispered. You started with his vest throwing it away in a hurry.

“Easy, naughty girl” he chuckled, “Take your time, we’ve got all night”. You took a deep breath and forced your movements to slow down.

You unbuttoned his dress shirt and caressed his torso, feeling every inch of his hot skin, from his V-line to his chest and shoulders, finally resting your hands on the back of his neck, pulling him towards you to kiss him. When your mouths played together, that’s when you decided to take off his shirt fully exposing his upper body. Oh how you loved this part of his body. Toned, broad, warm, freckles all over. You couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. You trailed small and wet kisses all over his chest, shoulders, arms and abs, before unfasten his belt and his pants button. Your delicate fingers grazing his lower belly skin gave him an electric discharge of desire that he restrained his hardest with a grunt.

“Fuck… Y/N… How do you do to always drive me crazy ?” you gave him an innocent look in response confirming his question. You pushed his pants and underpants all the way to his ankles. When you got up you made sure that your lower lip leave an unholy wet trail along his shaft making him lose his mind. “Oooh…” he exhaled in a groan “Y/N… You don’t fucking know what you’re up to”. And how true was that.

John took your legs and wrapped them around him to make you both fall on the bed. He was eager almost hungry. Kissing every bit of your skin while taking off your bra, biting your nipples, sucking hickeys, making you moaning mess. You felt hot spots growing everywhere he put his lips on your body.

“You sound like an angel, baby” you moaned again “Look at you, so fucking beautiful” he guided his hand from your breast to your lower belly, stopping right above your pulsating clit.

“John, please…”

“What do you want, love ?” he whispered in your ear sending shivers on your scalp. “Is it my fingers ? Or my mouth ?” he teased.

“Mmm both ! John baby, I want both…” you begged.

“As you wish” he said in a raspy voice, before sliding in your panties and between your pussy lips. His long middle finger spread your arousal on your folds and started to circle your clit. He aligned his mouth with your cunt, you moaned feeling his hot breath against it. He removed his finger from your clit and placed his tongue instead.

“John…” you whined “I said I want both” you pleaded. He introduced one finger in your pussy travelling back and forth.

“Is it better, love” he hummed against your clit.

“Mmm, two fingers p-please..” he added the second finger earning from you a loud gasp when they hit your sweet spot. “Fuck John, it’s so amazing, gosh…” He kept his work with his tongue and fingers, giving you all the pleasure you need. John knew when you were close by the way you were breathing and moaning, that’s why when your breathing was more jerky and you whines louders, he accelerated his pace.

“Come on baby girl, cum for me. First orgasm of the night, there's more to come. Cum all over my tongue and fingers like the good girl that you are” his words stimulated you and you came undone on his now puffed lips and soaked fingers, screaming his name.

You tried to catch back your breath but John decided you had enough time off. He kissed you so you can taste yourself “Taste fantastic honey, huh ? Always so fucking delicious for me” he mumbled against your neck. You felt his hard cock against your sensitive core, playing unintentionally with your clit. John grabbed it and pushed it in you, both of you moaning and grunting.

“John, oh god ! Please…”

“You want me to move, darling ? Want me to fuck you ?” he groaned above your lips. You pathetically nodded wanting him more than ever. He started his pace slow but not for long. He also wanted you desperately. He moved faster and faster until you both reached your high.

“Jo-John, fuck ! I’m gonna cummm…” you fought to say, your legs around him and your nails scratching his back trying to hold onto something, making him go even crazier.

“Gotcha baby doll… cum for me eh ? Please cum for me, ffffuck your pussy is unbelievable !” his thrusts were rougher more animalistic, giving you your second orgasm of the night. You screamed his name, lost in curse words. However John didn’t stop, chasing his own release.

“Gonna help me cum, love ? Huh ?” he locked your nipple between his lips feeling your soft skin on his mouthfeel and tongue. To help him cum, he quickly changed positions, pounding you from behind you on all four, or on your back legs up, on your stomach face down.

He switched one last time the position, on your back your legs spread and his hands holding your knees. “I want to see your beautiful face, Y/N. Want to see how much I make you feel good when I’m fucking hard that pretty pussy of yours” you couldn’t respond, it was impossible, not when he was pounding into you this good.

“Fuck, you’re the best thing I have Y/N love… The best fucking thing…” he was grunting so loud like a beast. You felt a knot in your stomach but this one was different from the others. It was more intense, like a fire ball burning inside of you. You rolled your eyes back, mouth open wide, and let your orgasm wash over you, in the same time than John’s. You shot your eyes open when you felt your body producing something you never did before. You squirted. All over John’s torso. You're inhaling heavily not understanding what just happened. You looked at John’s face who had the biggest grin and proud look on his face.

“Wh-what… Honey, I’m sorry, I don’t know-” you stuttered embarrassed, trying to wipe your ejaculation off of his body. He took your small wrist in his big hand to stop you.

“Well baby girl, I can assure you that I’m gonna be way more often at home now that I know how to make you squirt” he smirked pulling you closer to him to kiss you delicately. “Come on love, gotta clean up” he whispered softly. The John who was bestial two minutes ago was now the most gentle being on earth. He actually was like this most of the time with you.

“I-I can’t… my legs…” he smiled to you and left the bed to go the bathroom to take a wet towel. He delicately removed all traces of what had just happened off of your body, kissing you here and there to relax you, before doing the same on him. He threw the towel away and laid next to you, embracing you his arms. He waited to hear your soft and regular respirations signaling him that you were sleeping before letting himself rest.

The next morning, you woke up before him, in the exact same position that you fell asleep the previous night. You moved a little to admire him. He looked so peaceful and divine. Your heart beating faster at the thought of seeing him like this more often now. John felt your glare on him and opened slowly his eyes.

“Good morning, love” he whispered in a smile and pecked your lips.

Yes, you really could get used to this.

#John Shelby #John Shelby x reader #Joe Cole #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine #john shelby smut #john shelby x reader smut #john shelby one shot #peaky linders request #smut

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otomesations · 4 years ago

Text

Kei scene - Retranslation

Context:

SPOILERS FOR THE LATTER PART OF KEI’S ROUTE

Kei and Ichika have a scene where they make out in chapter 6, and there seems to be some ambiguity within the English-reading community as to how consensual it all is, how pushy Kei is being, and whether they do or don’t… erm… bring it home.

I think the Japanese version makes it clear that it is consensual, that Kei is being quite considerate in his Kei way, and that they do bring it home.

I also thought it would be an opportunity to discuss a few of the scene’s themes - many of which are present throughout Kei’s route and additional content.

So I did a translation pass on the scene and changed the bits that felt inaccurate in theme or meaning. I explained some of the big differences below the translation.

In bold, the parts that I changed from the original localisation.

Translation:

KEI: “More importantly, we can’t really make out if your brother comes home early.”

ICHIKA: “...”

KEI: “I’m just kidding. I’ll wait until you’re completely ready.”

ICHIKA: “... No. You don’t need to wait.”

KEI: “Huh?”

ICHIKA: “I… I also want to make out with you.”

KEI: “...”

Okazaki’s eyes widened, and he blinked a few times.

ICHIKA: (M-Maybe that was too sudden.)

But it was sincerely how I felt.

These might be our last moments together. That was all I could think about.

KEI: “Are you serious about that?”

His hand gently reached for my cheek.

The touch caused my shoulders to tremble slightly, but I kept my eyes fixed on his.

ICHIKA: “... Yes.”

Then we inched close enough that I could feel his breath on mine…

ICHIKA: “O-oh but wait, just a moment. There’s something I want to ask you first.”

KEI: “...”

Okazaki hung his head, clearly disappointed by the sudden interruption.

KEI: “... Ichika. Don’t you think you’re teasing me a bit much?”

ICHIKA: “S-Sorry. But I really need to ask.”

Our faces were still very close, and his eyes invited me to continue.

ICHIKA: “Erm… Okazaki, what do you like about me?”

Although he had confessed his feelings to me, I had turned him away in that moment, and I hadn’t quite believed what I’d heard.

After learning his past and sharing our feelings I thought we’d finally become close, yet…

ICHIKA: (Somehow… I still can’t quite believe it.)

The affection that he had for me was unmistakable. But I was still sure he only viewed me as an ideal.

KEI: “... There are a whole lot of people that I can say I like.”

ICHIKA: (...?!)

Suddenly, he dropped a bomb on me and my mind just froze.

KEI: “I like Yanagi’s team, Yoshinari, my friends in the force, and even girls I see walking by, I guess. I like a lot of people I think are good people. But… I can’t really say that I’ve ever gotten attached to anybody.”

ICHIKA: “...”

KEI: “Even when people confessed to me and went out with me, I was often told that things were different from what they expected. ‘I’m not special to you.’ ‘I’m just another person in the crowd for you.’ … Stuff like that”

ICHIKA: (I think I can understand that)

KEI: “However, you’re the only one who’s special to me. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not about liking or disliking you. You’re someone that I need to live. …Now you’re the proof of my being, you’re my identity.”

KEI: “Isn’t it normal to want to touch that person, or keep her all to myself?”

While he talked, his fingers touched my cheek. The gesture was completely gentle, and I could feel the warmth from this fingertips. It conveyed his feelings much better than his words did.

KEI: “Back when you were mad at me, I thought that I should’ve done a better job hiding it from you. Maybe I should have said my death wish was a joke, and that I just wanted you to feel safe. Yeah… I could’ve lied to you and kept using you. But I couldn’t make myself do it. I wanted you to accept me for the person I really am.”

ICHIKA: “...”

I was rendered speechless by his complete honesty.

I’m not special, my being is not important to anyone else - I was sure that I and everybody else had felt that way before.

ICHIKA: (What should I do? I’m so happy.)

This was more than love or romance - what he wanted was my being.

It made me so happy that I shivered.

KEI: “So, what do you like about me?”

ICHIKA: “Eh…”

KEI: “I was happy to hear that you like me, but it’s still a bit of a wonder to me. You got that angry for my sake, and you even said that you’d rather sacrifice someone else so that I could live because you didn’t want to lose me. I don’t think I’m worth that much. … To be honest, I can’t honestly believe that you actually feel that way. After all, you didn’t like me that much at first, did you?”

ICHIKA: “...”

The sudden question troubled me. I had been attracted to his kindness at first. He was warm and gave me peace of mind. He put a broad smile on my face and made my days gentle.

But he was stubborn and uncompromising. He could be cold and lived by his own rules. He’d ignored my feelings and stubbornly wanted to die for his own satisfaction.

ICHIKA: (When I think about it…)

ICHIKA: “What DO I like about you…?”

I unconsciously let that slip.

KEI: “Should you really be saying that in front of me?”

ICHIKA: “S-Sorry… But I’m the same as you. What I like about you, or dislike about you… I dislike everything that isn’t a part of you. I need your being.”

KEI: “Hehehe. So there are still things that we can’t believe or understand about each other. Yet we still want to be together. Doesn’t that feel pretty special to you?”

ICHIKA: “... It does.”

When we put it that way, I could agree with it.

KEI: “If it’s hard to put into words… wanna try this?”

ICHIKA: “Huh? Try what?”

I tilted my head, unsure what he meant. But in the next moment…

ICHIKA: “Eh?”

My world turned upside down, and I saw stars.

Eventually, I realised I had been pushed down.

Above me, he was smiling calmly.

KEI “Do you dislike it when I do this?”

ICHIKA: “...”

My heart was pounding. This was unfair. Right now, I was feeling… vexed.

ICHIKA: “It’s vexing… But I don’t dislike it.”

Rather than dislike… I felt happy.

When I nodded, Okazaki chuckled.

KEI: “Then, there’s your answer.”

ICHIKA: “You said you were going to try something, but isn’t this a little extreme?”

KEI: “But you understand me now, don’t you? If it was meaningless, I wouldn’t want to do this. Forget about like, dislike, all the small stuff. Right now I just want… you.”

ICHIKA: “...!”

KEI: “If you dislike this even a little, then just refuse me. But if you feel the same way I do… Then please accept me.”

ICHIKA: “... You’re mean.”

Unlike the gentleness from before, our hands held each other so tight it hurt.

He looked at me with hot, passionate eyes, and lovingly ran his hand through my hair…

ICHIKA: (And yet there’s no reason to refuse.)

KEI: “Before, I said there are a lot of people I like, but I rarely find anyone I want to be mean to.”

ICHIKA: “I don’t know… You’re pretty mean to Yoshinari, too.”

KEI: “Yeah. That’s just my way of showing him I care. Obviously, my feelings for you are different. I want to be kinder towards you than anyone, but at the same time, I want to put you on the spot.”

ICHIKA: “I remember Shiraishi saying you’re a selfish man.”

KEI: “Yeah, didn’t you know?”

ICHIKA: “You’re good-looking but bad on the inside.”

KEI: “Heh. That’s right. But it’s your fault for getting involved with this bad boy, so won’t you resign yourself to it?”

Okazaki’s fingers touched the nape of my neck.

There was a slight click as his fingertips landed on my collar.

KEI: “They’re listening now, aren’t they?”

ICHIKA: (He’s saying that at a time like this?!)

KEI: “I’ll never hand you over to the likes of them.”

He threw these provocative words at them.

I knew that I wouldn’t be killed as long as I had some use for Adonis. But now that Okazaki was being targeted, my mind was in turmoil.

KEI: “Don’t break our promise, or I won’t forgive you.”

He said that with an infinitely gentle smile, as if he could see right through my heart.

ICHIKA: “...Okay.”

I couldn’t stop my voice from cracking.

KEI: “If you don’t want to let me die, then don’t run away from me.”

He whispered those words into my ear. They sounded as if he was casting a spell.

ICHIKA: (He’s so unfair.)

I thought that, but contrary to those words, I was filled with overwhelming love for him.

I was unable to take my eyes off his bewitching smile. In truth, perhaps I should resist this. But…

As he had said, no matter how we tried to make each other understand with words, we’d never be able to fully express ourselves that way.

KEI: “I don’t want you to think of anything else. I want to be the only thought on your mind. Because the more you crave me, the more I want to live. Ichika… Be only mine.”

ICHIKA: “...”

I wanted him to take everything. Just for now, I didn’t want to let go of this hand.

That was the only thing I was sure of.

With acceptance and anticipation, I clasped his hand tight.

Comments:

The major translation issues:

They translate いちゃいちゃ at the beginning as “steamy” stuff when Kei uses the word, then as “flirting” when Ichika uses it. It means the same thing in both cases, which is to make out, and is clearly physical. She’s not being coy. She states from the beginning she wants them to fool around.

When he pushes her down, the localisation again uses two different translations for the same word, 悔しさ: “humiliated” and “embarrassed”. Both are wrong. The first one is SUPER strong and very shocking to read, and implies that she’s feeling degraded. That’s not what it means - that nuance is not in the word at all. But it’s not as light as just “embarrassed”, either. What it means is along the lines of “vexed” or “mortified”.

In general, they use different translations for the same Japanese words that are used in close proximity, and often in dialogue. The problem is that it a) breaks the flow of dialogue and b) breaks the themes of the scene. In fact, during the whole scene, Kei and Ichika are picking up on each other’s words and riffing off each other constantly. Among those words are “making out” (as we established), “mean” (that they bicker back and forth on, teasingly, as foreplay), and many smaller bits of dialogue. But more importantly, the big theme of this confession is that they go beyond and discard the concepts of 嫌 and 好き (dislike and like). Instead, they affirm their connection to each other’s being or essence (存在) and their way to reach that connexion is beyond words - by merging those beings in a, well, more direct way, which is what the whole conversation leads to on both sides.

Part of that theme is Kei’s confession. In English they make Kei say that she’s “the reason I’m alive”, which sounds like he’s grateful she brought him back from the brink. But that’s not what he says. He means much more than that. He says that she’s his 存在証明, which sounds more like “proof/justification of my being” (reusing the same kanji for being as I mentioned in point 3 above), and seems to be often translated as “identity”. Kei boy doesn’t mince words lol :D

There’s an unexplained translation mistake at the end. In English Kei says “If you want us to live together, you have to want to live too.” That’s not what he says at all. He says “The more you want/crave me, the more I want to live,” which makes more sense thematically tbh.

#collar x malice #cxm #kei #kei okazaki #okazaki #translation #spoilers #romance #otome #otome game #visual novel

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lu-undy · 4 years ago

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Hope I didn't bother you! What if Spy flirts at Sniper alot, but he's never touched him before because he feels like it would be invading Sniper's personal space. One faithful day, while Spy continues his daily mission of shoving his love to Sniper, Sniper kinda just?? Touches his hand?? But Spy knows its more than that and he gets all flustered and holds his hand back. And Sniper gets flustered in return and they sit in a comfortable silence, both of them just savoring the moment.

Hey there! Here we go for their first touch, I hope you’ll like it :D

"Oh hey, Spook."

"Bushman."

Spy exited the base for an evening stroll and as usual, he saw his colleague sat next to his van on a plastic foldable chair. There wasn't much to appreciate in the scenery as they were in the middle of a dry desert, but both nonetheless liked the colours that the setting sun painted the landscape with. The blue sky turned shades of orange, with streaks of pink. The ground went from orange to violet. The occasional cacti now punctuated it all with black touches here and there and the boulders also changed from orange to deep Burgundy red.

"Walkin' around, eh?"

"My usual stroll, as you know. Care to join me?"

"Uh…" Sniper hesitated. "You sure?"

"Oui, I rather enjoy your company. It is balanced in every way possible."

Sniper raised a curious eyebrow behind his yellow-tinted aviator glasses. He wondered what his colleague meant with that.

"I can offer a cigarette." Spy flipped his cigarette case open.

"Well, in that case…" Sniper got off his chair and walked closer to Spy. He took the cigarette and put it between his lips and Spy promptly flicked his lighter. A yellow flame sprang up and Spy let Sniper's cigarette be consumed by it slowly. His eyes weren't on the flame, or not directly. After lighting his own one, he put the lighter in his breast pocket and both started walking.

"You know, you should remove your glasses from time to time."

"Why?"

"It is a shame to hide such beautiful irises behind them."

Sniper blushed and puffed on the cigarette nervously for an instant. He frowned.

"What did you mean by the way?" He asked.

"With what?"

"When you said that my company was 'balanced' ?"

"Oh, is that not the way you phrase it in English? My apologies." Spy chuckled. "I meant that I liked your company because I like the way that you talk. Sometimes you answer me and the conversation is delightful, surprising so for someone who does enjoy the solitude of a life in a campervan. But other times, you do just enjoy the silence and scenery, the peace and quiet. This is a quality that not a lot of people have."

"Ah, yeah, well… I'm just bad with words." Sniper answered.

"I do not think that you are. On the contrary, you partake in these evening strolls with me and your input in the conversations are, to my mind, quite refreshing."

"Ah, well, thanks. I-I like talking to you too."

"Do you?" Spy insisted.

"Yeah, I mean, I learn things that I wouldn't otherwise and uh… You're nice to listen to."

"You are learning things from me?" Spy asked, intrigued. "I thought that I was learning from you."

"What?! What did you get from me?"

"For starters, you do help me with my English. I used to speak it much better during my time in America, but that was decades ago now and I sometimes feel like I need to go back to school."

"Really?"

"Oui, or other times I do feel like I am translating myself badly. I mean something and for lack of a better way of phrasing it, I twist my original idea and express it in a way that does not match my original intent. Ah, Descartes was right…" Spy chuckled.

"Who?"

"A French philosopher from the 17th century. He said 'Traduire, c'est trahir.'."

"What does that mean?"

"Literally, 'translating is betraying'. By that he meant that through translation, you always lose part of the original meaning. Often it is in the nuances, the hidden connotations, but sometimes that is exactly where most of the message is."

"Hm, I see…"

They looked at each other and exchanged a smile.

"Also, I'll remove my glasses the day you get that mask of yours off."

Spy chuckled.

"That is one bold deal, Bushman."

"Yeah well, business is hard, mate, eh?" Sniper snickered.

"With you especially, I see. Ah, Sniper…"

"Spook?"

"Oui?"

"Why do you always walk around in the evenings?"

Spy looked up at his friend.

"To enjoy a cigarette and the sunsets."

"Why invite me? D'you ever invite the others?"

"Non, I don't. And I already said it. Your company is very enjoyable. Not like any of the other's. But tell me, Sniper, why question it?"

"I… I don't know. We've had these uh, smoke breaks a few times already now and…" Sniper gulped down hard. "I-I mean thanks."

Spy raised an eyebrow.

"You are welcome, for whatever you are thanking me."

"Look around you, what d'you see?" Sniper asked as they both stopped walking.

"Quite a poor scenery but brightened up by your presence. The colours are striking though, absolutely beautiful, which is why I particularly enjoy sunsets. I find that they allow me to see things and people differently."

"How?" Sniper asked.

"Take you, for example." Spy started. "During the day I see a solitary man, and I respect this will to stay alone. You are nonetheless a professional and know how to work in a team surprisingly well for someone who is as sociable as one of those boulders we see around us."

Spy took a deep breath and smiled. Sniper saw the pink streaks in the sky on his very light irises, between the thin spiky shadows of his eyelashes.

"But when sunset comes," Spy resumed his speech. "And I see so much more."

Sniper's lips parted as he was faced with Spy's intense gaze.

"I see the man below the hat and behind the glasses. I see the reflection of the golden sun in your lagoon blue eyes and they now shine in turquoise. Do you mind removing your hat for an instant?"

Sniper was gobsmacked. He did as he was told.

"Your hair, Sniper… I think I have never seen it as clearly as I do now."

Sniper blushed as Spy stared with a soft smile.

"It is beautiful. The colour I knew was brown but during the particular light of sunset, some locks of it appear ginger, almost golden."

Spy wanted to touch it but thought that his words were hitting Sniper powerfully enough. Besides, if Sniper refused to take his room in the base and stayed in his campervan, chances were that he liked his personal space very much and would defend it at all cost. Spy respected that too much and decided against attempting anything physical to show Sniper that he didn't see him only as a friend.

"You have beautiful, wavy hair, Sniper. It shines brightly."

"Thanks… I-I can't really say for yours but uh… I'm sure it's nice, really nice."

Spy chuckled.

"I wish it were… But I am old now, Sniper." Spy started walking again and Sniper followed him.

"Hey, Spook?"

Spy turned.

"You're not old."

"I am older than you."

"Maybe."

"Believe me, I am."

"How d'you know?" Sniper asked and Spy smiled, lowering his head.

"There isn't a single grey hair on your head."

Sniper heard the distress in Spy's voice.

"Yeah, I know… A shame, right?"

Spy raised his head and a curious eyebrow.

"A shame?" He repeated.

"Yeah, I like grey hair. It's beautiful."

"Nonsense."

"No, really. And uh, yeah… I mean…" Sniper averted his gaze. "I'm sure you've got really nice hair. I just never see it b-but I'm sure, really sure, that it's gorgeous."

Spy smiled.

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

"Sniper?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you accept these smoke breaks with me?" Spy asked.

"Same as you. I like talking to you. I think you aren't that arrogant."

They had walked in a loop around the base and were now back at Sniper's van. He unfolded a second chair and they took a seat. The sun had now almost completely set and the van behind them blocked anyone from the base seeing them. Sniper continued talking.

"People assume that you're arrogant because you're French and that's it. But I think you just know what you're worth and like me, you don't have much patience for people. You live by yourself and you just like simple things in the end."

"Do I? Most of the time people think I just like overpriced things, like wines and such."

"Yeah you like that too but… The way that you described the colours of the sunset, it tells me that you also like simple things, things that no one can buy."

Spy smiled and answered.

"Like your company and, if I were brave, I would say your smile."

Both blushed. One because of the truth he was saying, the other, under the compliment. Sniper's hand hovered from his armrest to Spy's and his fingers brushed past his gloved hand. Spy looked at it when he felt the gentle touch and looked up at Sniper who was facing the other way, as if he wasn't really doing it. But that was all that Spy was waiting for, a first touch, something, anything that said that he could touch the solitary man in the van without scaring him off or invading his personal space.

Spy turned his hand and laced his fingers between Sniper's shaking ones. His thumb brushed the back of his hand and Sniper got all flustered.

"I like your smile, Sniper."

"M-me too." A nervous voice answered.

"You like your smile?" Spy teased and Sniper finally turned to face him.

"No, no, I mean I like your smile."

"I'm glad you do. I don't show it to just anyone."

"I know, same for me, mate."

Silence fell and they took the time to appreciate the warmth diffusing from their hands. Sniper was sweating bullets as he now realised that not only did the touch burn him to his very core, but he was doing all this with a man he hadn't even seen the face of. Maybe it was worth mentioning it…

"Spook?"

"Oui?"

"Isn't it weird?"

"What? Watching the sunset together?"

"Y-yeah nah, I was thinking… I mean… I don't even know what you look like and…"

"That can easily be fixed. But you will need to honour your part of the deal."

Sniper looked at Spy with question marks in his eyes.

"If I reveal my face to you, you shall do the same."

"W-wait, you'll show me your face? Really?"

Spy smiled and nodded.

"Why not? There are a few people I do not want to show my face to. But you are not one of them. Your solitude and your silence interest me and make me think that we are more similar than what I first thought."

"I think so too, y'know. I think you understand parts of me that people usually don't."

Spy smiled.

"So, will you honour your part of the deal?"

"Course."

Sniper answered but he didn't expect Spy to pull his mask off and remove it on the spot.

"Y-what are you doing?!"

"Fulfilling my part." Spy answered, carding his hair back with his hand that wasn't holding Sniper's. He turned to look the Aussie in the eye.

"Woah…" Sniper's jaw dropped and his eyes snapped wide. Even in the shy light of the moon, he could very well see the thin jawline and the smirk, the ice blue eyes and the long dark eyelashes. Sniper removed his hat and glasses and saw Spy's smile widen.

"I was right." Spy said. "It really is a shame to hide such beautiful eyes behind your glasses, Sniper."

And he leaned his head on Sniper's shoulder. Spy heard the fast heartbeat.

"Y-you're gorgeous." Sniper stuttered.

"So are you, mon beau."

[My beautiful one.]

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy

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worrying-ly · 4 years ago

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eh Nov 2020

excuse my processing but i enjoy that tumblr is a relatively anonymous space, so

i’m trying to date someone at least a little bit queer, ideally some form of asexual, but i don’t know where to find these beautiful people and instead i am ending up with Fancy White Boys.. unstoppably, constantly

which is fine but also not fine when someone just can’t be sensitive at all and just can’t grasp nuance or catch my vibe like.. I don’t feel like I’m that weird most days but then i’m around certain people and i feel So Weird and Alien and like nobody will ever understand all the sides of me ever. Like why are you disrespecting my space and flinging your hand all around my nightstand and touching all my shit in such an uncaring fashion? Rude. Why are you referring to the care that I’ve put into my space with every single item I have on the wall bringing joy to my heart as ‘all this crap on the wall’? Very rude 0/10 would not have allowed u in if i knew this was your energy yet somehow i misinterpreted ‘respecting and listening to the boundary i set of taking things slow’ as ‘respecting me as a full human being’ and those are in fact not the same thing

I have this weird unwritten test which is known to me as the Dog Coconut Oil Test; if someone can’t get intrigued and excited about odd random things with me then I can’t make it work because that’s my entire approach to life. It started in a relationship where I got really just.. so joyful about the fact that I somehow had a jar of coconut oil that was exclusively targeted to dogs, and if you don’t catch my vibe on that I can’t help you, but the person was just so dismissive and didn’t care and barely acknowledged it and since that moment I’m very aware of how I’m received in that way. So yesterday i went to a french restaurant that was 100% a mars themed french restaurant because it was called terre rouge and had this asteroid belt installation with rocks and red lights on the ceiling and when I tell you i love that i LOVE That okay. but this person just looked at me like I was really grasping at straws putting this theme theory together. So even before the rest of the experience that cemented my decision they didn’t pass the test. the appearance of depth is not always depth and a lot of the time in regular guys what they present to you is exactly What Is, and I think in dating a lot of us have the issue of imagining what could be there as opposed to believing what’s directly in front of us.

i know i’m just one person on earth and that there’s this thing you shouldn’t fall into of ‘i’m different’ because I’ve met like.. 0.00001% of people on the planet. I just wish I could share a brain wave with somebody and i really be out here feeling misunderstood pretty much always. In theory i’m not ‘straight’ because I don’t feel attraction one way or another unless there’s a very specific kink-based scenario, and i’m pretty certain i’ve only leaned towards men because of socialization. but in a way i do really prefer to feel small and feminine compared to the other person dynamic-wise and so it’s always made more sense for me to work like that. But then to feel so constantly a) objectified and not seen as a full human being b) written off for my sexuality c) misunderstood without care or the attempt to look deeper and just generally like.. not feeling seen or able to reach someone is really crappy. and then I question whether I’m doing enough to bring myself to the surface and be open/accessible for someone to actually try to get to know me fully; but i honestly do feel like i’m trying and yet whenever i do open up a bit i get hit with Huge Sadness and experiences similar to what just happened last night.

anyways i have no idea and am currently a sad pile of blankets and also looking for a therapist covered by ohip so don’t worry, gonna get an outside perspective

#introversions #bad times here today #just a snail w no shell in this world under the foot of a misogynistic society

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donotexterminateupgradepudding · 4 years ago

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Why I’m absolutely obsessed with Wilson from “House MD” (part 1)

Seriously, I am obsessed with Wilson. I started watching ‘House MD’, since ‘Hey, I have amazon prime.’ and I was looking for a long series. I had recalled people mentioning the series in passing over the years, and they seemed to love it. But it was on air during my great period of no TV and little pop culture knowledge (2003-2014), where I either owned no TV, no internet at home or limited internet at home.

So into the pop culture TV fandom of ‘House MD’ did I go. . . . and for the most part I overall enjoyed it up through season 6. My personal feelings are that they should have ended it there, 7 got disjointed and 8 was well, only going through the motions of the previous 7.

What did I get out of this the most? That I absolutely love - Wilson who is House’s best friend from some point after his arrival to the staff of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Which happened at some point in the mid-90s.

But really, who wouldn’t love this?

Really, it is that soft smile that gets me every time and his classic professional look.

The House timeline is a bit slippy between all the writers and the length of the series, so, I will not drive my anal retentive self to construct a more accurate timeline. It is clear that yes, they became friends sometime in the 90s, likely early 90s, but that House suggested Wilson apply for his position at some point which he accepted in part, to search for his missing brother.

I quickly became interested in Wilson in the show early on. The first indication was in the pilot episode when House determined that Wilson lied to him to take the case, even though most of his actions indicated that he appeared to be the ‘model’ compassionate and caring doctor.

What really got me interested in him though was S1E5 when it is near Christmas and starts out with Wilson and House at the central desk discussing Dante’s Inferno and charting hell. This is the first episode that Wilson really gets pushy with House and his response to the case as the viewer gets to see a character who tries to understand events though the more emotional response.

The scene is very well shot. Wilson approaches House alone at the desk, again playing around with a piece of paper, two coffees (or some other hot beverage in hand).

I even like the difference in their outfits, Wilson with warm browns while House is wearing all black. Their body language here is interesting. House the normally “I’m right!” is a bit hunched over, while Wilson is the one with his feet up on the desk as he leans back (he’s right this time). We also get an interesting angle where Wilson appears very closed off to the viewer.

Wilson even asks House what he is doing for Christmas while not even making eye contact with him. Wilson’s expression is one of trying to convince House to join him at the holiday dinner at his home with his wife and implied other people. Due to House’s immediate rejection of the offer, Wilson has a brief moment of odd facial expressions ending here before he responds.

That perhaps he’ll come over to House’s place. Which is such a loaded statement. Unable to get House to join him, he pretty much immediately invites himself over to House’s place. This indicates several things that we learn about him, i.) House calls him out on leaving his wife alone ii.) Wilson is likely concerned about House being alone.

Which ends their conversation with Wilson clearly stating that he does not want to talk about his wife who is used to being alone. Highlighted with this expression, a clear, ‘that’s all you get’ House.

He’s obviously not happy with the situation, but even at the cost of it, he’s going to hang out with House instead. After Cuddy wishes both of them a “Merry Christmas!” it leaves House oddly speechless and Wilson is the one to make the remark that it was “sweet” of her.

The action then shifts to Wilson at House’s apartment (oh yes, that never to be seen after season 1, third (?) floor apartment) where they are clearly enjoying Chinese take out, beer and each other’s company with lots of smiles.

These two scenes were the ones which really caught my attention in regards to Wilson. It establishes that he must have more in common with House than the show has revealed to date, and that his relationship with him important enough that he’s risking his marriage (or at least putting a major strain on it) to continue his relationship with House. It also shows that even though Wilson was really keeping House in check during the past few days, that it doesn’t matter once they are away from PPTH.

This also shows us that Wilson is not just this friendly, compassionate character to serve as an exact foil to House as his best friend. No, Wilson’s character is also going to develop as a character who is just as nuanced and flawed as House, but that they complement each other.

The plot moves this quickly forward with S1E7, “Fidelity” about a patient who cheated on her husband. The Diagnostics team show their personalities more in this episode in how they respond to the drama surrounding the patient, while Wilson’s image as ‘Mr. Perfect’ continues to be deconstructed.

House calls Wilson out on his new tie, the green polka dot tie. Apparently, Wilson is as much of a creature of habit as House and he has a preset tie rotation which is his status quo. House notices that this green tie is not a present from his wife (since he somehow knows she doesn’t like green) and that Wilson wants to look pretty. At first, he’s simply listening to House.

But as the evidence begins to pile up, Wilson admits defeat with his eyes long before says anything here. Specifically, this is whenever Wilson doesn’t want to say something or explain further due to the fact that he knows he’s been caught. He always looks away.

I have to commend RSL as an actor, he’s seriously underrated, but incredibly talented. The way that he looks like a teenager caught in a lie here is so good as he has no choice but to smirk at House’s line of reasoning.

Even better yet, is how it is so clear that Wilson thinks he looks handsome in this tie. Cuddy approaches the two of them and House is responding to her. What is Wilson doing? He’s smiling slightly while he adjusts his freakkin’ tie! The tie of seduction.

To keep balance in the conversation, they change to a camera angle where Cuddy is facing the camera and Wilson and House have their back/side to the camera. Clearly, the shots were done in two different takes since it catches Wilson saying something while adjusting his tie again.

I think that they just wanted one shot of RSL doing the tie adjustment, but he likely did it for both takes on the scene at different points in time. Either way, I love the shot above where House is too busy speaking with Cuddy to notice Wilson be like “Hey Cuddy, nice tie eh?”. I think this is pretty clear confirmation that Wilson as early as season 1 shows potential interest in Cuddy, but he can’t do anything about it yet, so he just tests the water by being like “Oh hey. I look handsome.” [touches tie for emphasis]

The episode continues with House attempting to determine who Wilson is looking good for at PPTH. He tries to guess someone in accounting just to rile and bait Wilson after seeing his stylish outfit of the day. I’m personally a fan of Wilson’s stylish outfit which shows again that he’s in a confident mood based on his casual lean into the door frame (if you could call it that, since the glass really isn’t a real door frame).

House insists that his lips may say no, but his shoes say yes. Yet, Wilson continues to banter back with the idea that French shoes can’t be trusted, and as predicted most of his reply is based on him avoiding direct eye contact with House.

House continues his hypothesis and Wilson at first smiles back at him (first image in this post) as he’s just maintaining his status quo look. However, he can’t keep it up and he laughs as he looks down.

What is so interesting is how House continues to push him with who it could be, he continues to laugh and look away from House while keeping his hands in his pockets. Interesting, when Wilson is very emotional, he’ll make strong gestures with his hands. The fact that he’s keeping his hands in his pockets implies to me that he’s trying to be cool with things.

What gets him in trouble is his admission that he “wouldn’t date a patient’s daughter.”

House points out that most married men don’t discuss dating at all, pushing Wilson to finally retort back that there was no date.

He finally admits that he went out to lunch with one of the nurses in his department. The interesting part is how honest and sincere he is and adds on that it was to help her through the tough aspect of the position, emotionally. Which House makes it very clear to the viewer that Wilson has an issue with being nice and implies it gets him into trouble with the ladies.

Wilson makes it clear that he wanted to be nice.

And House points out that his desire to be nice is part of his ‘charm’. This is such an informative statement as it lets the viewer know that this isn’t some sort of ‘one off’, he has a track record of involving himself with women at the hospital with whom he is not in a committed relationship with. This also shows us that House is getting amusement out of the situation that Wilson has placed himself in. It this House being jealous of Wilson’s ability to pretty much pick up anyone? Or that it makes him feel better to tease him?

The conversation is interrupted by Cuddy and they leave things hanging. However, this episode is not done with the deep dive into Wilson’s personal life. Wilson starts off on the offensive about the treatment for the patient who House is certain that cheated on her husband. Wilson believes that people can be ‘good’ in relationships.

This quickly backfires on him, as House uses his own past and current behaviours to discredit Wilson’s own argument. With House’s own line of “you need to tell me that” again gets that soft giggle/laugh from Wilson.

Of course, Wilson is not making eye contact with House as he smugly looks at Wilson for his reaction. This obviously makes Wilson upset as the right hand is waved quite predominately for emphasis and he even punctuates his statement with a wave of the chart in his left hand.

This entire conversation happens as House has a perpetually smug expression. I also find it interesting that they are having this rather morally ‘damming’ conversation in the middle of a busy hallway, which also implies that neither of them care about their public images that much. Or the fact that Wilson is denying his infidelities means it is okay to verbalize it in public.

House is willing to admit that he knows that Wilson loves his wife as he just laughs and sighs back as neither of them can look at each other.

But, the kid gloves come off as House continues the statement that he knows Wilson loves his wife, just like he loved his other wives, providing critical character development and background information. That Wilson has been married and divorced at least two other times. If he had only one ex, House would have said something along the lines of ‘your previous wife’. House pushes it even further to be that Wilson loves all of the women he’s ever loved just like his ex-wives. I love how this line of dialogue tells us so much about his character, he’s a very compassionate person. He also clearly cares about others and he has always approached romantic relationships in such a way that he was very emotionally involved with the person he was seeing.

But Wilson takes great offense to that and it begins the moral argument between them. I love how his body language shifts from loose and smiling to a serious furrowed brow.

Wilson is hurt by House mocking him and the fact that he’s cared about the people he’s been romantically involved with and this makes 100% sense - of course he’d love every person he was intimate with. It is the only way he could connect with them.

However, with Wilson now upset, his entire body language shifts as he tells House that can really be a jerk sometimes. This is interesting as it means that Wilson doesn’t see House as much of a jerk as others do.

Wilson’s argument is that he tries his best to be good so that is what matters and that allows him to ‘get away’ with imperfect behavior in relationships. he isn’t excusing his behaviours, he’s just rationalizing that at his core, he tries his best. Of course, House doesn’t think he has the right to claim to be better.

The flip side is the House viewpoint, since he doesn’t care about anyone, he can say whatever he wants to. But Wilson calls him out that he tries to get away with being an ass since he doesn’t even try to care. House argues back that as long as they both exist it is okay; with Wilson trying to be good, but failing with the right intent and House not giving a damn, but pointing out the truth they could combine their powers.

This joke unfortunately is too much for Wilson and he scoffs at House, sighs loudly and sulks off.

These two episodes are important for establishing the core House-Wilson dynamic as well as their opposing and overlapping parts of their philosophies. Already, the viewer knows that House doesn’t give a damn for social conventions and pleasantries and that Wilson does his best to follow them most of the time. As the show continues, it is clear that Wilson follows many societal norms not because he agrees with them, but because he understands the value that they bring and that they make his own life easier.

The first time House goes to court to fight a patient in S1E9. The only other person who is there to support him is Wilson. Wilson sits behind the defense and points out to House that his personal passion may get him in trouble with the law. It will become a reoccurring theme for Wilson to be the only character in the background to support House. Sure, Cuddy also has his back but Wilson is the constant.

Whenever House digs himself into a deep hole or is at risk of failing at office politics, Wilson is the one to warn him.

The first example of this is with the arrival of Vogler as the new chairman of the board in S1E14. Again, the way this scene was shot lets us know very quickly that we are to pay attention to Vogler and Wilson. Specifically, how rapidly Wilson gets a read and feel for the man. During the opening credits he’s listening to Vogler attentively.

This is a serious neutral expression for him. As Vogler begins his personal story, Wilson is almost frowning before he switches to what could be described as a customer service smile after this scene below.

The way that he goes from a serious look to a friendly, “Oh haha, I’m smiling with you” is uncanny. Once Vogler begins to define his vision for PPTH we get several contemplative and concerned expressions from him. He quickly goes from neutral here:

To a deeper thought of, “hrm, this isn’t sounding too great.”

The shot pans out to the board beginning to applaud the remarks. Interestingly, he isn’t one of the first members to clap nor is he exactly the last, but he lingers on his decision and claps rather politely but not enthusiastically as he looks at Vogler.

What is more telling is his rapid glance away, and towards Cuddy to his right. I wish we knew if Cuddy made eye contact with him or not. The best shot though is the final one, his reaction to Vogler’s announcement that there will be ‘big’ changes. And this is a classic “OH FUCK!”, response from him as he fake smiles as he already knows that it will mean for him, the Oncology Department Head and . . .

. . . more importantly, his best friend, House, is royally fucked with this guy in charge. Since it is already obvious that House blows at office politics. This again establishes the push and pull of their friendship as both men have strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other.

Now, before going on any further, I want to stop and pause about how I think the writers were more interesting with this House-Wilson dynamic.

If “House MD” suffered from lazy writing to meet many of the criteria/elements of a 90s-2000s show, I know exactly what they would have done. They would have made Wilson a female character. House’s overly analytical, caustic attitude would have been balanced by a friendly, in touch with her emotions type of character, a Jane Wilson instead. She’d be outwardly modest, cute, but not sexy. Her emotional state would be reflected in her dating woes with men, who she’d fall hard and fast for and would be unable to keep them because she’s too attached to House as a friend. She would be the trope of the ‘saving female who can’t save herself’.

Thankfully, the creative team did not follow this predictable trope and instead, gave us the Wilson that we see, the sensitive male character who based on sweeping societal norms and generalizations would be seen as a female character. Furthermore, if you are one of those people who is into the MBTI personality classification, he types out as the rarest of the male types - the INFJ male; both when you look at the 16 personalities website and the writer’s guide to the MBTI.

Links to both here: https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality

https://mbtifiction.com/2015/09/14/dr-james-wilson/

A subtle nod to the fact that Wilson is ‘filling in’ for a female character is shown in S1E15 when House is ‘gifted’ with the ‘65 Corvette by the New Jersey mafia. It shows that both of them are morally bankrupt enough to make use of the car with House at the wheel and Wilson giving him a hard time about his driving skills in the passenger seat.

Even more so, House tries to get Wilson to shut up while Wilson is laughing next to him, as his backseat driving is still appreciated by House as we see his subtle smile at the same time.

Again, it leads us to ask why is Wilson enjoying a fun car ride with House, when he could be at home spending time with his current spouse. No, it isn’t like Wilson is actively avoid marital conflict to hang out with House. . . .

Lastly, Wilson even asks House if he’d be willing to lend him the Corvette with a very excited facial expression that it directed at the back of House’s head as they walk in the hallway.

Wilson may try to do the best that he can, but when something is in proxy to House, he forgets the moral and emotional response and choose the analytical and rational response. ‘Cause my best friend is the one who gained this car illegally. So sure, I can rationalize wanting to borrow it, I mean I didn’t get this ‘gift’.

S1E17 has the introduction of our Barack Obama stand in character. Wilson is the only person on staff who questions House’s change of opinion on the man’s HIV test results. This leads to Wilson’s awesome statement that House didn’t just believe him, he believed in him. With the fist pump to match. House hangs his head in shame since he knows he’s about to get a good teasing from Wilson.

I loved how Wilson realizes it has to do with House’s current team. The show makes a point that the Diagnostics team of Chase, Cameron and Foreman are unusual in the fact that they complete the full terms of their fellowships. Chase even seemed to have a longer one since he got fired, but was the most senior of the team members. Sure Cameron quit in protest, but it also is implied to have done at least the full amount of her term. Wilson knows that this team is important to House.

He knows that they influence him more than other teams as they actually have gotten closer to him than any over team to date. In this instance, he specifically thinks it is Cameron’s influence which House tries to shrug off. I love his line of inviting House to come over tonight to watch old movies with him and cry. Since we know Wilson totally cries when watching movies. But what unsettles House is the Cameron bit, Wilson states that he may have already put the moves on her and House tries to shrug it off. This is the dead give away that House likes Cameron on some level and Wilson has won the lotto. House has some sort of interest in Cameron. On some level.

He’s too amused that House does have some sort of crush. Or maybe a “House-crush” as in the type of crush House has. Either way, Wilson is giggling in delight at a very awkward House escaping into the elevator.

The next great Wilson scene is his reaction to House pissing Volger off by defeating the spirit of the law with the letter of the law. He gave a speech. A terrible speech. First off, Wilson looks at House with curiosity while Cuddy is concerned. While Cuddy has potential shock, Wilson has bit of awe that House is being, well House.

The best part is when House seals his fate. Cuddy looks like she could murder him if she could while Wilson is hiding his face in his hand, which if you watch the scene really closely, he’s trying hard to not laugh and smirking. Sure, he can be like *sigh* House . . . but Wilson is keeping himself professional. Despite, likely not being too surprised.

Cuddy has a feeling of exasperation while Wilson is smirking as he tries to hold it together. Yeah, I saw that smirking Wilson. You are both amazed and concerned that your best friend dug himself into an even deeper hole.

But hey, it was hilarious!

Of course, House’s reckless behavior does catch up to him by S1E18, “Babies and Bathwater”. The first time Wilson appears he looks worried, pulling House out of the Diagnostics common room with messy hair. This isn’t his usual cute swoopy/swishy hair, this is true concerned fluff. This means he’s likely been ruffling his hair in concern with his left hand, since he is left handed (RSL is left handed). Either way, I like the way that his appearance is just subtly off, but enough to tell us that he’s worried about something.

His concerned face, in combination with the fluffy hair tells us several things. First off, Wilson knows that Volger will make a move that will be smart. House blows it off stating that he’s survived all the previous changes in the hospital and since Wilson is on the board, Volger can’t get rid of House.

Second, unlike House who is banking on Wilson protecting him, Wilson is really worried as he senses this won’t be as easy as House expects.

This then plays out with the emergency board meeting where House is the only item on the agenda. At first, it looks like everything will be okay. Wilson is prepared and points out the issue with the vote on House’s dismissal. I would like to note that in the show itself, Volger does not follow proper protocol, as he brings the item of House to the table and no one actually seconds his motion. Technically, I’d expect Wilson to point out there was no second to Volger’s motion. He seems like the type of character to know his Robert’s Rules of Order inside and out. Either way, the way that he fidgets and pretends to not care about Volger’s mini-speech about how PPTH should be a business drives him nuts. His body language is clear that Wilson does not like him.

After the vote fails, Wilson points out that according to the bylaws there is a 24 hour period before they can bring any issue before the board again. Several other members of the board are smirking, as they likely support Wilson, but aren’t as confident as he is in his defiance of Volger. I also wonder if Cuddy and Wilson had an agreement to have Wilson be the one to play interference. We know that Cuddy bet with House to not take Vicodin for a week was Wilson’s idea, not hers. He looks a bit confident as he points out that Volger just can’t ask him to leave and have the vote without him.

And even though Wilson is a fairly pragmatic guy and an expert at office politics, he is totally outmaneuvered by Volger. This shows us that Wilson may be very good at these sorts of things, he lacks the ruthless attitude that Volger has. This makes sense, Wilson became a doctor because he’s a caring person. He wouldn’t be as cutthroat as Volger is, willing to remove Wilson (House’s biggest advocate) even though he’s arguably one of the best department heads at PPTH.

He switches from a look here where he’s putting everything together.

To a complete look of sadness, knowing that despite being an excellent doctor and colleague, his friendship with House just cost him his position on the board. He also knows that not everyone in that room is going to support him and he likely feels betrayed by other members of the board.

The scene has Wilson leave the room and we don’t know what happens until the next day when he is packing up his office. House isn’t quite sure what is going on as he is emotionally is tossing things in boxes, with an angry pen/pencil toss into a box.

And we get here, after the pen toss the angry Wilson face.

Which is interesting, since angry Wilson doesn’t look very angry. His anger towards House isn’t normal; he looks sad and disappointed that he was the target of Volger’s wrath, collateral damage in the quest to fire House. His sad puppy face shows that he wanted House to do more for him. We learn that at this point in his life two things matter to him; i.) his job at PPTH and ii.) his friendship with House. Yet, when he was faced with taking the fall with House, he accepted the chance to resign from PPTH as he was too emotional over things. Wilson usually is in touch with his emotions and understands them, but when all alone and feeling it, he makes the rash decision to leave.

House confirms to him that Wilson’s actions meant something to him, even though Wilson knows he’d still do what he did regardless of the present outcome. That’s how well they know each other.

Wilson shows his dark side when he smiles telling House that he’ll be joining him soon enough.

Of course, House wants to still know if there are any clinical trials and asks Wilson if he can still help him out.

After having his back turned to House he turns around halfway to look at him with a taught facial expression. The body language here is clear, ever since House walked into Wilson’s office, Wilson has been the one in charge, House has been hunched forward a bit and looks up towards Wilson or even talks to his back.

Now, he’s got his hands on his hips while House asks, but again looking up at Wilson. You honestly have to give it to Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard, they nail the body language between these two characters, even if he doesn’t verbally say it, House will submit to Wilson and shows it through his more meek postures, letting Wilson know that he’s in charge and the better one at that moment.

Of course, Wilson will look into things for House. Because that is the type of person Wilson is. And their body language in this scene shows that Wilson knows that House is going to want to save his patient. And Wilson is doing his own job even if it is his last day.

However, Cuddy saves the day and the boys are able to celebrate in House’s office. Wilson is sitting in House’s chair, while House leans against his side furniture. Foreman and Chase are sitting at the two chairs opposite of Wilson. Everything about this shows so much about the Wilson-House friendship. House has difficulty standing and being comfortable, yet Wilson is sitting in his chair.

I wish we could know if Wilson took the chair knowing that House owed him for almost leaving PPTH or if House let Wilson take the chair for the same reason. Either way, Wilson has House’s blessing to sit in his chair.

This also allows for an excellent angle of Wilson watching Cuddy chug her drink as he’s the character who makes an audible swallow. You can tell he’s definitely reminding himself to never piss Cuddy off.

I’d also hazard a guess that he’s still checking out and in awe of Cuddy. Sure, he’s still married, but Wilson is always looking. And, I’d like to point out that since the beginning of the season the item that has been absent from Wilson’s hand is a wedding ring. Not entirely sure if he doesn’t see the need to wear one on marriage number 3 or if he’s just not that kind of guy, or if it keeps him open to other possibilities.

What are you thinking Wilson? I’m old enough to know that when I meet new people if there is an interesting guy, to look at his hands. Again, not all people wear wedding bands, but it is a very obvious signal to people who don’t know you. It sends a clear signal to people, and Wilson is a character who does not take this easy step to signal that he’s married.

This episode was critical as it really lays down the foundations for the parameters of the friendship between House and Wilson. It makes it clear that these two men care about each other; I would safely say that they love each other.

Now, the nature of the love between them is very debatable. I confidently feel that they at least love each other as close friends do. That the friend in question is a main part of your life and that you care for and worry about the other person. That person also lets you show your less than flattering side, which is a really important part of Wilson’s friendship with House. He doesn’t have to play nice with House. He can be more open and relaxed without fear for venting his feelings to him. This comes out in the numerous comments that Wilson will utter over the years during banter with House. If he were to be as sarcastic as he is with House alone, he’d be in trouble, but he keeps that side separate.

This indicates that as much as House needs Wilson to keep him from getting too crazy, Wilson needs to have House to not explode from staying calm all the time.

But, this is not a meta to deconstruct the House-Wilson relationship, this is just me gushing over how much I like Wilson and how he tries to support House in his own Wilson way.

This happens Wilson figures out that Cameron is coming back due to her date with House. He has such a look of excitement when he figures out the House gave into Cameron’s request. This means that his observation that House at least finds Cameron attractive has him stoked. He hops off of the table and turns to face House to confirm things and he’s far to giddy. Then again, he knows his best friend hasn’t been on a date in over 5 years so he’s rooting for anything.

He knows House well enough that House is attempting to rationalize that he was forced into the date. It is also interesting to note that the random patient tries to mock House with the ‘old’ if you don’t sleep with a hot girl you must be gay, which clearly doesn’t work on House or Wilson who both roll their eyes, ignoring the comment. He may give House a hard time about goofing off, but he comes back to steal the portable TV to continue watching the game even though House left feeling embarrassed. House doesn’t even try to fight back to keep his TV.

He emerges a bit later, starting off by telling House that the ballgame is over, before he sniffs House to determine what was spilled on him. These guys really are best friends if you are not even bothered by your best friend of any gender getting this up close and personal with you. Instead, Wilson just tells him to calm down that it is just apple juice.

With the putative Cameron-House date, Wilson springs into action as the overly-protective best friend. He manages to find Cameron alone and asks her if she is sure about the date with House as he wants to make sure no one gets hurt. Cameron doesn’t see his expression here, when she says she’ll be fine; Wilson’s look of concern is about how things will go down for House.

Wilson doesn’t want to see House hurt again, since he thinks if he is hurt again, House will give up on dating altogether. A mindset that I myself have embraced from time to time. I think at this point, Wilson knows that Cameron is House’s ‘type’ and he wants to make sure that House has a shot at a relationship.

To make sure things will go as smoothly as possible, he is at House’s apartment as House gets dressed and is freaking out in a “House” way about the date. Wilson’s facial expression here is somewhat annoyed as he knows that House does understand some human interactions. As House did date Stacy for 5 years though he can’t help but give him shit by saying the last time House dated disco had just died.

Again, instead of being at home, Wilson is laying on House’s couch, skimming the newspaper to give him the moral support he needs for his date. This leads to his infamous declaration that he has known moves that are guaranteed ‘panty peelers’. This facial expression says it all, I’m proud of my skills and I have it down to a science; compliment her random items of clothing and move onto the DHA: dreams-hopes-aspirations. God, I love this bit, Wilson has things so well thought out that he’s able to distill things down to a quick abbreviation.

This also tells us that Wilson thrives on the ‘possibility’ of a relationship. That he gets some sort of rush from trying to get a woman into bed. If Wilson had been fired by Volger, he really should have started a career for dating and relationship advice. Not as one of those sexist male pick-up experts, but as how to pick-up chicks as a respectful dude. He’d honestly make tons more money, though his lack of House interactions would likely bore him to death. He also goes onto mention that he has condoms in case House needs him. This is such a funny statement, as it implies that Wilson has them to be prepared and by extension as a married man should not have them. Or that Wilson is officially acting like House’s dad in this instance like “Okay, son, we’ve had the talk about the prom tonight. You’ve got the corsage for the girl, and make sure to use condoms.” Which is totally how Wilson looks in this scene here.

Hands on hips, big smile, he literally looks like he’s encouraging his teenage son to be a good man for his date. This is a case where Wilson is the experienced adult in this situation. Based on his body language, he’s also really rooting for House. Wilson wants the date with Cameron to go well. He wants House to get laid and learn how to move on in a relationship. He wants House to try to be happy. And Cameron is not a bad starting point. We know that House likes intelligent women and Wilson seems to suck at not messing around or dating within the workplace so he isn’t going to be against this.

Plus, this really establishes House’s ‘type’ brunettes, he isn’t too picky about the rest of the woman, but he likes brown hair. Again, one could argue that Wilson is also House’s type. Or the fact that as the show progresses he makes comments about men who are attractive (but again, not a part of this meta).

It does show that both Wilson and House are romantics at heart, since House went for cheesy knowing that Cameron would like cheesy. Really, after watching their date scene for a third time, I’d say that House goes for the rejection Cameron approach because he was afraid of what would happen if he did start dating her. He knows he’s attracted to her, the fact that Wilson knows that he’s attracted to her is really the verification that he needed.

That’s why the next day, Wilson is so keen to know how the date went. He has to hope that House gives it a try. Since Wilson wants House to try to be happy or in this case maybe just content. He’s tired of watching his friend recoil from social connections and he likely grows tired of being the only link that House has to humanity.

And I’ll have to stop here and pick up with another part since I haven’t even gotten through Season 1 yet.

#house md #james wilson #wilson #infj man

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gascon-en-exil · 5 years ago

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Joining the Game Late: S1E6 “A Golden Crown”

Synopsis

Callbacks to Dany’s fire immunity and Bran’s three-eyed raven. Robb and Theon fight prologue bandits. Do not eat raw horse heart if you’re pregnant, nursing, or may become pregnant - unless you’re awesome. Tyrion is our guide to medieval masturbation innuendos. Ned lays down the law, and kind of sucks at it. Sansa and Joffrey exist again, but Jon Snow doesn’t. Viserys gets a big molten pot of death by irony.

Commentary

Jorah continues to come into his own a bit, although he’s still hampered by the role of translator for the Dothraki language and customs. On the one hand I’m glad he’s around to explain, for example, why Daenerys eats a bloody horse heart in front of a tent full of chanting people, but on the other it makes him harder to appreciate as a character outside of scenes with one of the Targaryens alone. That happens tonight when he shows that his loyalty to the family does not extend to allowing Viserys to leave with the dragon eggs, and again when he stands by and lets Drogo murder Viserys in the most appropriate way possible. I’ve read criticism of the end of the series stating that the showrunners use Dany’s lack of emotion in the golden crown scene as evidence that she was secretly crazy all along, but I don’t really buy that. Her brother has been a dick to her in 90% of their on-screen interactions and threatens her and treats her like a commodity he traded to Drogo up until the moment of his execution, so that she doesn’t look away feels less sociopathic than cathartic, for Dany and for the audience.

The Westeros storylines are still without Jon, but the scope’s a bit wider than last time. Bran gets his special saddle but the moment is spoiled by the arrival of bandits Robb and Theon have to fight off while sniping at each other about the ongoing feud in which the Starks are becoming embroiled. I wondered a few episodes ago if there was anything to the furtive homosocial bonds between the young men of Winterfell, but as of now I’m not very invested in them when Theon continues to be largely a nonentity with a really boring plot about how he’s going to miss that one particular prostitute. Based on spoilers I think Theon eventually gets castrated so I guess his chronic inability to keep it in his pants is meant to be foreshadowing. I still don’t really care, and wish Robb had some more interesting people to play off.

The aforementioned Stark vs. Lannister (vs. Baratheon, sort of) feud gets some more fuel courtesy of Ned’s too simple ideas about justice. It is good to see him actually acting as the Hand of the King in a sensitive political matter, more so because it involves the impact of warring noble houses on the common people which is a theme Fire Emblem also touches on in some of its more introspective moments, but it’s obvious that he’s not very good at handling situations with any kind of nuance. The Mountain is a bandit now working for the Lannisters; I assume this is going to play into the Cleganes’ infamous brotherly antagonism somehow, but onscreen or off he’s still a poor substitute for a proper villain in the absence of someone like Jaime. Yeah, Joffrey’s back in the picture, but only for enough time to show that his mother did teach him some basic courtesy after all which he uses to smooth over the earlier ugliness with Sansa. Outwardly he succeeds, but the symbolism of him referring to her as “my lady” repeatedly when that was the name of her executed direwolf is too obvious to be unremarked upon. Eh, she’s a teenage girl clueless to the ways of the court so I’m willing to give her a bit of a pass if she’s too quick to forgive and pettily cruel to Arya and her nurse.

Then there’s Tyrion at the Eyrie, an atmospheric sequence that shows off how good he is at getting himself out of scrapes while also giving him even more funny lines. I didn’t catch the name of the man who offers to champion him, but I think it’s Bronn and he’ll matter later? It’s bad enough that this is one of those stories with a cast list so huge no one person could possibly care about every character and plotline, but then a bunch of those people have really similar names to make it even more confusing. Hopefully there’s not much more of the Eyrie in this plotline, lest the novelty of it - prison cells that break their occupants by their lack of a (literal) fourth wall! execution via a hole in the floor! a creepily violent child still breastfeeding from his deranged mother even though he’s like ten! - start to wear off. As it is I feel like it’s just about swallowed Catelyn whole.

#Game of Thrones #GoT

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alloveroliver · 6 years ago

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Fenrir X MC “No, I Love You More”

Smut; Fenrir Godspeed

First Time as a couple, Switching WC: 1,786 Ikemen Revolution Fanfic His fingers intertwined with hers under the plush blanket. Sitting in the common room, cool air tickling any of their exposed skin. She pulled her foot back under the covers, pushing it under his thigh. “Your toes are like ice cubes!” Fenrir yelped teasingly, feigning a pout. “Put them under your own leg to warm em’ up.” She wiggled her toes definitely, giggling at his perturbed face. “Nah, your thigh is warmer than mine.” He smirked leaning down to her, shifting his weight on the couch cushion. She watched as his sparkling eyes captured her gaze with a flirtatious wink. “Testing my boundaries, Eh?” The warm covers slid over her arm as Fenrir brought their linked hand towards his mouth. With delicate precision his lips pressed over each knuckle, staring into her eyes. He watched with curiosity as her cheeks heated under his insinuating touch. After all the time spent together, through all the dates and long evenings, neither of them had pushed past this stage. The gentle kisses and longing stares were all that lingered between them. Fenrir hoped he wasn’t pushing her towards something she wasn’t ready for, but her gaze became clouded with lust as his kisses trailed past her wrist and up her arm.

She let the blanket fall to the floor as he neared, his magenta hair falling onto his face as he traveled towards her. He kissed her arm every inch of the way until he met her shoulder. Collectively their breathing sped up, a single question hanging in the air between them. Should they stop, or was this the perfect moment where they were both absolutely ready? She glanced at the inky black sky beyond the window, indicating just how late it had gotten. Yet, her shoulder relaxed when his lips pressed on her collarbone, inviting him ever closer. Fenrir didn’t hesitate to move his kisses towards her neck, leaving warmth every spot he touched. Even his hands were moving now, slowly up her torso. The couch creaked as the man's weight tilted towards his girlfriends. Fenrir made it to her cheek, sprinkling kisses towards her supple lips. A kiss like no other was shared between them. A fiery kiss that warmed both of them from within. Her hand caressed his neck, holding him closer. Fenrir’s trembling hand dipped beneath her shirt, tracing patterns above her navel. She relaxed into the plush couch further, moving her legs to lay on her back comfortably. “So,” His nose brushed hers before looking into her eyes. “Is this okay? To keep going?” He let out a shaky breath that sounded as if it were meant to be a laugh. Her hands cupped his cheeks, smiling kindly at her true love. “Of course, Fenrir. I’m ready and,” She bit her lip, lowering her voice. “I want you.” The breath from her confession wafted over his skin, sending a needy shiver through his body. Fenrir’s hand moved further under her shirt, gently cupping her breast. The air in the room became bearable as their skin heated under one another's embrace. He kissed her fervently, feeling his member awaken at the touch of her full chest. She sighed into the kiss, pressing her chest furthering into his palm. It had taken them so long to get to this point that it almost didn’t feel real to him. He cherished her lips, cradling the back of her head in his free palm. Tugging desperately at the fabric, he became focused on removing the garment from her. He sat back and tugged his t-shirt up and over his head, discarding it on the bare floor. With a curl of his finger, he called her forward. Her beautiful infectious smile lit up the dim room, calming his nerves. Helping him, she pulled the ends of her shirt over her head, laying it next to his. Another kiss crashed them both back onto the couch. He kissed her thoroughly, causing her mind to focus only on his lips. Hands in each other hair, Fenrir built up the courage to travel downwards. He moved to her neck, kissing the sensitive skin gently before shifting the next kiss lower. Her hands ran through his hair, practically pushing him towards their collective goal. Her chest heaved the nearer he got, kissing and licking at the skin until meeting her pert nub. He wished he had the gall to invite her to his room before now, but this was the point of no return and neither of them was leaving this spot anytime soon. With his tongue, he lapped at her nippled until a long sigh left her lips. Her hands tangled in his hair, urging his head down further. With a smirk Fenrir hooked his thumbs the edge of her bottoms, removing them in a firm tug. The pants plopped to the floor next to his shirt, along with her underwear and all her dignity. Completely exposed to her boyfriend she fidgeted. Not letting her nerves get the best of her, she willed her shoulders to relax against the cushion she lay on. He took one of her legs and pushed it off to the side, carefully spreading her limbs apart. He held it there, kissing the mound down towards her core. He didn’t hesitate before caressing her clit gently with his tongue. Her mind literally went blank as a surge of heat began to flow through her, grasping the couch as it did. The cushion gave way to her palms, squeezing tight to hold in the sounds that threatened to escape. His tongue traveled down her slit, reveling in the taste of her. Her core heated up like molten lava, sensually dripping at his ministrations. Fenrir was stuck between taking his time or eagerly moving forward. Her body responded to him so well already. Fenrir kissed her thigh, then her stomach as he trailed a line of kisses back to her neck. She held his face to hers. Their lips pressed together then his tongue teased the part. Touching tips, Fenrir would back out again teasingly. He did this until her courage overcame her and dipped into his mouth fully. Their kiss deepened as her fingers smoothed over the ridges of his torso towards his pants. “I’ll take care of you.” He whispered in her ear, his nose caressing the soft skin of her neck. They both helped each other unclasp his trousers. Kissing the shell of her ear, he released his hard member from its confines. Her lips parted as they matched their gaze. His eyes glittered with excitement and love, carding his hand through her hair. He took his time sliding into the slickness between her thighs, kissing and nipping at her bottom lip. With a heavy grunt, he rocked his hips towards her in a sensual motion. Her fingers tangled in his hair with small gasps passing over her lips. His body hovered over her in a protective manner, keeping her close and safe in his arms. Never had she felt more cherished and loved than in this very moment. Fenrir could be instantaneous with battle strategies, but when it came to her delicate body he treasured every nuance.

Her hands gingerly smoothed down the valley of his back, using her fingertips to evoke chill bumps where the skin was becoming warm. Only her touch could do this, indicating how special she was to him. In every way it counted, they were partners through and through. Sharing this moment with her was just another thing they would do together as equals, keeping one another first on their list of priorities. The palm pushing lightly on his chest broke him out of his trance. Her plump lips perked up at the sides before she whispered. “Lay down.” Fenrir tenderly pulled himself out of her, using his hands to guide backward onto the thick couch. Her hair shifted towards the front of her shoulders moving closer. Once he lay flat on his back, she straddled his hips, kissing the dips of his broad shoulders. The cool room now eased the flames that licked their skin. Her hand grasped the base of his cock helping him re-enter her as she rocked her hips. The new positions had them both mewling at the new sensations. The new angle of his solid member stretching, sliding deliciously over her erogenous zone, sent a fresh heat to her abdomen. With her knees propping her up, she placed her hands on his shoulders to aid in propelling her motions. He took his time ghosting his hand over the swell of her backside, helping her hips moving to a rhythm. Fenrir gasped when she rested for a moment, sitting fully on his lap. He hit her deep, fully sheathed while her lips trailed the underside of his jaw. “You feel so amazing” He murmured. Laying his head back into the cushion, he screwed his eyes shut. His hands moved over her frame, focusing now over the swell of her chest. Their whole relationship up until this point seemed more solidified than anything. However, his heart seemed to grow to accommodate the ever-evolving love between them. Hardly believing how one person could make him feel so strongly, he smiled. Her eyes locked with his, matching his happy gaze. “I love you.” She sighed happily. She began moving her body up and down over his member again, gasping when his erection hit just the right spot. Her desire bubbled from within, threatening to spew over at a moments notice. With hands roaming, and lips meeting she stifled a moan. “I’m close” Her breath hitched as she spoke. Fenrir grabbed her hips and thrust upwards, matching her speed. No longer able to kiss due to the motions, her head rocked between his shoulder and neck. “Ah, me too.” His teeth grit, eyebrows scrunching as he spoke breathlessly. The familiar heat washed through her abdomen, and her runaway heart seemingly slowed for the moment. Her walls flexed and squeezed against his cock, while she basked in the pleasure. His hands cupped her chest, slowing down his strokes to find his own release. His fingers began to knead the small nubs, listening for her whimpers while setting an even pace. With her knees she pushed herself up and down over his shaft, her pussy quivering from overstimulation. He had lasted longer than she did, but neither of them complained as their heavy breaths and sensual moans mixed in the room. . . . Thank you, @yunohawkeye for the request!! I hope you like how this turned out XD Masterlist // Kofi <3 // Ao3

#ikemen revolution #ikemen revolution fan fic #ikemen revolution smut #smut #fenrir godspeed #fenrir x mc

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mollymaymaukme · 6 years ago

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Mollymauk x Reader: From Beyond the Grave, Part 7

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

The Nein spend the next few days wrapping up loose ends and exploring the town. They meet with Ophelia Mardun and he listens for the first time as they detail their delve into the Sour Nest. A soft smile gracing his lips as he learns that it was Caleb who dealt the killing blow.

Later, not with the scary tiefling lady present, they would talk at length about Nila and her family. About the soft firbolg who comforted them after Molly’s death. Detailing Keg’s transformation as she took responsibility for what happened on the road and how she faced down Lorenzo later in battle.

The Nein stocked up on health potions and Jester prayed often to the Traveler for him to impart the resurrection spell upon her. To ensure what happened with Molly would never happen again. It was a strange mix of celebration and grieving. The group still shaken that one of their own had fallen so easily.

So Mollymauk tried to smooth over the chasms in their hearts that he had created. Going alone with Caleb to a book shop. Offering Nott one of his many pieces of jewelry and helping her pierce her ear when she requested it and looping the dangling trinket through the new hole. He talked to Fjord at length about his time on the sea when they laid in bed at night. Browsed a bakery with Jester. Sparred with Beau. And of course spent every spare moment next to Yasha.

And it was not that he grew tired of doing these things with his friends. . .but it wore him down. Every day he spent in Shady Creek Run the pull in his stomach grew stronger. Demanding that he follow it.

It made him irritable. He felt suffocated in this town and pair that with his renewed panic at the slightest feeling of claustrophobia and he became a ticking time bomb.

Poor Caduceus didn’t deserve being on the receiving end of his pent up emotions. He knew that. It was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” The firbolg had questioned even as he sat on the ground beside the stump Molly was perched on.

“I don’t own the ground. Sit where you please.” He ran the whetstone down his sword with a little more force than necessary, creating an unpleasant shrieking noise.

Mollymauk had been spending as much time outdoors as possible. It helped alleviate the stifling feeling just a little. “It is always nice to get some fresh air.” Caduceus states as he runs a hand through the grass.

Molly just gives an irritated huff of acknowledgement, still focusing on his blade. “I find that whenever I am unsure or upset, sitting in nature helps me connect to the Wildmother.” The firbolg pays no mind to the way Molly clenches his jaw “She is quite comforting. I know some people think her cruel since accepting violent events are apart of her teachings. But it is the fact that she accepts the natural order of the world that brings me comfort. Acknowledges death but also life-”

“Would you shut up about your dear Wild mother?!” Molly snaps, tossing aside the whet stone as he spins to glare at the firbolg.

Caduceus does not react, at least not in the way Molly had thought he would, he merely turns to Molly with a calm expression. It was so patronizing.

“I do not give a damn what you find comfort in!” He continues on, pointing the sword in his hand at the firbolg a bit threateningly. Still he does not react. So Molly gets on his feet “What's even your fucking reason for sticking around, eh?” His tail is lashing around behind him “You know they were just keeping you around with the hope you’d bring me back right? They were just using you” That's not true. And the horrible part is that Molly knows that. But he just wants to hurt someone so they can feel their blood boil in their veins just like him.

Finally he seems to have gotten through to Caduceus. The firbolgs brow furrowing and mouth drawing into a sad frown. But then he says something that makes Molly’s skin crawl “You feel like you have to leave. . .and you don’t want to admit that to your friends, who only just came to terms with your return.”

“Shut up! You don’t know what I feel like!” Mollys screaming now, a white knuckled grip on the hilt of his sword.

“Yes I do. The Wildmother is telling you to-”

“Stop talking about the fucking Wildmother!” He hadn’t even realized he had swung his blade until he meets the resistance of Caduceus staff. His entire body freezing as he understands what he just did.

---

“What are you making?” The tiefling is leaning over her shoulder, watching the deft fingers weave grass and flowers in a wreath.

“It is the symbol of the only mother I ever knew, the Wildmother.” She is swirling the top of a willow branch and tying it to the wreath so that it holds the spiral. The whole thing fits in her palm.

“Why?” He pretends not to notice the way she shudders when his breath hits the shell of her ear.

She is quiet “It's a gift. . .I’m making one for each of them”

Molly knew she was talking about the children. When they had been packing up to leave the city he had convinced both Gustav and Y/n to allow them to travel together. There were good foster homes in the next city, Molly had inquired ruthlessly to ensure so, and he had insisted that Y/n and her brood travel with the circus to their next destination.

When she learned of this plan she had been furious with him. Nearly clawing his eyes out as she thought he threatened to take them away from her. Eventually Yasha had been able to calm her down enough to explain that this would give them the best chance for a good life.

This feral force of nature had broken down into tears. Mollymauk had been shocked, as had Yasha who awkwardly patted her back where she had collapsed into the Barbarian.

The Wild Woman had questioned the hopeful parents extensively, spying on them and inquiring about them. Wringing them out and laying their secrets bare for her to see. To assure they were fit to raise her children.

They had been.

She had been heartbroken to part with them all. They truly were her children. But she knew that they would receive clothes and food and have a bed of their very own if she agreed. “Its. . .not an exact replication of the symbol, since that could get them into trouble--but similar enough to be a reminder.”

He looks over her features, free of dirt now, and also lacking that hardened expression she usually had. Instead her eyes were shining with tears and her bottom lip trembled. Molly runs a hand through her hair, now brushed, hoping it gave her comfort like it gave him. His stomach fluttering when she leans into his touch.

She had undergone a rather severe transformation since traveling with them. Orna had seen to that. Her body scrubbed free of dirt and grime, hair brushed and plaited out of her face, nails sanded down, and she wore a new set of borrowed clothes.

“Teach me how to make it. I can help.” He goes to sit cross legged in front of her and listens intently as she explains how to makes the knots.

The loose sleeves of her blouse billow in the breeze and he momentarily becomes entranced at how her hair shifts over her collarbones. He shakes himself from it and returns to focusing on braiding the wreath tightly. “Can you tell me about her? The Wildmother?”

---

He can clearly recollect the way her face lit up as she spoke about the goddess. Melancholy slowly being replaced with elation as she told him everything she knew. How you could recognize the work of the Wildmother in the fires that ate whole forests and in the green buds that grew through the ashes.

Mollymauk saw how her own mannerisms were directly derived from the Wildmother in how she looked after the lesser. In her acceptance of horrible things in the world just as much as she believed in wonderful. He had already been so enchanted by the wild woman and it did not take much for him to fall for y/n.

The tiefling did not realize his blade had fallen to the ground, or that Caduceus had stood to embrace him. He did not realize he was crying until the tears soaked the neckline of his own tunic. “I did not mean to” He mutters uselessly, knowing there was no way to properly apologize for attacking the firbolg.

“Anger is natural in the wake of grief. You grieve for your friend who worshipped the Wildmother.”

And Molly wasn’t sure how he connected all the dots so easily. Like he had said it plain instead of the firbolg just picking up on small nuances of conversation. Caduceus was just so damn observant and there is no denying his words so he just nods lamely into the firbolgs chest.

“I think you should follow the Wildmother’s wishes. I have a funny feeling it will do you good.” His voice as gentle as the hand rubbing circles into Molly’s back while the tiefling hides his face in his chest.

“But we have to go south to the Gentleman. . .” He protests weakly.

“I am sure your friends will understand a short detour.” He sounded so sure of his own words, and Molly couldn’t help but believe in him as much as Caduceus believed himself.

#mollymauk #mollymauk critical role #cr mollymauk #mollymauk x reader #cr #cr2 #caleb #beau #wildmother #caduceus clay #fjord #jester #nott #m9 #the meighty nein #yasha #fix it fic #mollymauk fic #mollymauk fanfiction

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twodaysintojune · 6 years ago

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Tentacle Porn Land

Supernatural, Debriel, Warnings - Plot What Plot, Lemon, Tentacles

Find me at AO3

Outside of the bunker during hunts Dean had a light sleep, you kind of learned to stay alert when your life depended on it. But when the hunts were over and they finally reached home and everyone was safe he was able to literally fall so deep that it would take an explosion to wake him up after he dumped himself over his bed.

Reason why he was more than surprised when he realized some thick and unsettlingly slippery things had been slithering around his right arm and his left leg. The moment he tried to move in alarm to grab his gun he was pulled down by them against the mattress while a new one covered his mouth.

“Wow, calm down Dean-o, we don’t want to wake up the rest of the house eh?”

It took Dean a moment to readjust his sight when the bedside lamp suddenly lit up, showing a smug Gabriel sitting at his chair. He glared at him with killing intent. Gabriel just laughed.

“Oh come on man, don’t look at me like that, you know I had to take revenge of some kind after your prank of the couch.”

The tentacle over Dean’s mouth moved away.

“Gabriel I swear to God—” he let out a pitched exclamation of surprise when a new tentacle found its way upwards around his right thigh and into his boxer briefs, resting itself close to his crotch. This was way more unsettling than what he was used to and that was saying a lot. “Alright, alright, message received, I’ll never pour honey over you like that again.”

Gabriel squinted. “You think this is about the honey?”

Dean turned at him confused “It’s not?”

Gabriel looked away grunting with frustration. When he looked up once more with resolution in his eyes Dean feared the worst.

“Get ready for judgement, you insufferable ass.”

“Nonononono Gabr—!” The urgent and terrified tone of the hunter was easily strangled when his mouth got covered once more with the large tentacle. With his last free hand he tried to get his gun until a fifth tentacle swiftly slapped it away from him and twisted around his forearm pulling tight to keep him from getting up.

New tentacles came in from under his shirt to slither upwards his torso. Dean jolted when he felt them surround and pinch his nipples. He had also let out a sharp grunt but the tentacle on his mouth was effectively muffling his voice.

“We ready to reeeally apologize now?”

Dean turned at Gabriel with renewed anger and muffled something.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Gabriel removed the tentacle.

“I said Bite Me”

Gabriel’s eyes flared. All tentacles started to surround Dean more tightly, advancing over his skin with a contracting motion that made the slipperiness over Dean’s skin even worse, he could see an even layer of glistening… something covering his skin. He was sooo going to hoard the bath as soon as he was able to get away from this place.

“Oh God, please Gabriel this is so gross!”

Gabriel just raised an eyebrow.

“You know, of all the people in this entire building you’re the one I would have less expected to say that.”

“That is different! I don’t know where this is coming from!”

Gabriel sighed. “You know what? I think the problem’s that you’re not appreciating my efforts well enough.” he said and snapped his fingers.

Dean turned around to see if the mucus/saliva/lubricant/whatever it was had disappeared but everything looked the same.

“Wh… what did you do now?”

A dark and evil grin filled the archangel’s features when Dean began to feel his skin tingling. Everywhere the mucus touched him his nervous terminations began to feel heat and cold at the same time, along with the goosebumps one gets when someone gets behind you and blows softly inside your ear. It felt better than the simple touch of another person, it felt like a jolt of electricity was running wild throughout his body raking his very soul like nails tracing ridges on the skin.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck Gabriel please oh fuck—stop!” It took him his all to stifle a desperate moan.

His hands reached around the tentacles, desperate to hold on to something. Heavy panting followed by small drops of sweat. His body felt so hot and bothered in just a matter of seconds that his sight blurred for a moment while he tried desperately not to give in to the overload of sensations that the tentacles gave him moving from side to side of his skin, covering him entirely. The tentacle that had been happily resting close to his ass slowly trailed upwards the ridge created by his spine, the one that had been covering his mouth surrounding his neck and lifting his head up. Gabriel moved to lean by his side and caress the side of his torso.

“Do you like it now Dean-o?”

Dean cursed himself when the sound of Gabriel’s low, nuanced murmur by his ear became the final push his body was asking to get him painfully hard and leaking.

“Damnit Gabe...”

“Eh? What is that? You want more?”

This time Dean couldn’t even protest, he was just getting hard but at the same time his body felt as if he had gone through a torturous six hour foreplay. Mouth wide open trying to reach for air he was completely taken by surprise when the tentacle around his head made a plunge into his mouth and played with his tongue while another one squiggled upwards around his leg to wrap itself around his dick and constrict him in the most pleasurable way. With what little air he still had Dean broke up in a desperate moan the moment the tentacle in his mouth left him and the other one covered his cock entirely. His head sagged down a little before the tentacle surrounding his neck moved to keep him up.

“Gabe… Please...”

“Hmm?” Gabriel placed a hand on his ear pretending to be fully interested on what Dean was about to say. “What do you want big boy?”

Dean looked at Gabriel through drops of sweat falling over his face, with a defeated look he began to open his mouth when the tentacle resting along his spine began an undulating movement pressing his asshole intermittently while the ones around his nipples began to pinch him purposefully. Dean jerked his head backwards suffocating a high pitched groan. The tentacles allowed his head to fall once more panting.

“Fuck...”

“Your wish is my command.”

Dean barely had time to register Gabriel’s words when the tentacles turned him over to face the archangel and held him above the bed, legs spread out easily by the extra-strong tentacles Gabriel had created. The tentacle from his back slowly crawled back while others took his place, Dean was no longer sure which ones nor did he care. It only took for the invertebrated limb to retreat all the way to his ass and start prodding his hole intently for Dean to realize what was coming.

“Wait! Gabe! This… I don’t…!” The limb finally breached inside Dean. He hissed while his body fruitlessly tried to jerk away from the intrusion.

“What’s wrong Dean-o? That’s not even two inches deep.”

Dean glared at the archangel, that last intrusion to his body had finally been able to bring Dean back from his erotic high.

“Who cares!? I’ve never done this before jackass!”

Gabriel looked at him in shock.

“Wait, are you..? For real?”

“YES!”

Gabriel stilled and for a second Dean thought that he had finally been able to get away from this horrible situation when the archangel turned into a predating stance. The tentacles went downwards and layed Dean over his bed, the ones surrounding his arms bringing them up and holding them together in a submissive position while a snap of fingers made his boxers and shirt disappear. In an instant, Gabriel hovered over him, arms to his sides, completely naked.

“Then I guess I have to do this right.”

Dean panicked for a second while he felt the tentacle in his ass move around until it pressed his prostate, making him let out a series of random expletives loud enough for the whole wing to notice yet no one came. He was sure that was also Gabriel's doing. Gabriel on the other side, was nibbling his neck close to his ear, raking his nails playfully along his sides while Dean tried desperately to hang on to reality and not pass away.

“I'm gonna wreck you, Dean Winchester, you'll be ruined for everyone else.”

Overwhelmed with all the archangel was doing to him at the moment he had barely noticed the moment in which he had transitioned between feeling distressed to extremely aroused. What was worse was that now that he was being prodded mercilessly in his ass while Gabriel had catched his lips to bite them playfully, he realized it was going to be impossible for him to go back to what he usually knew and loved.

When Gabriel softly prodded Dean’s mouth with his tongue he opened up for the archangel without much thought, he was desperate for something more than tentacles now and gladly welcomed the archangel’s intrusion.

Gabriel lined his own dick with Dean’s, the tentacle on Dean’s cock released him temporarily to swiftly wrap itself around both men. Both Gabriel and Dean letting out soft grunts of pleasure feeling their cocks wrapped tight and rubbing together. Soon enough, Gabriel began rocking his hips, adding to the wonderful sensations. Gabriel’s low grunts were rhythmically matched by Dean’s high breathy moans. With the way Gabriel was playing with him, he didn’t realize when the tentacle in his ass had started to go deeper but when at one point his ass involuntarily tried to close, he realized it was way far too deep already for it not to count as penetration.

“Fuck Gabe, I hate you so much right now...”

Gabriel smiled while kissing Dean’s neck. He made the tentacles press his most sensitive spots, forcing a needy moan from the hunter.

“Funny way to show it Dean-o”

His voice was so smooth and tender, Dean felt his dick twitch with the attention. After getting used to it, the tentacle wasn’t too bad but it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t what his body was asking for… He was going to hate himself the next morning.

“”Dammit Gabe, stop teasing and fuck me yourself already.”

Gabriel stopped nibbling his earlobe startled and moved away to look at him.

“Are you s—”

“Did I fucking stutter?” Dean snapped.

Then there it was, a shadow of something passing through Gabriel’s eyes, just like he had been seeing for weeks by now. It didn’t last long, the tentacle in Dean’s ass receded way too fast for it to feel normal, leaving him craving to be filled up once more. After Gabriel knelt to line himself up with Dean he turned once more to ask but stopped when he saw Dean’s ‘fucking do it or I’ll kill you’ face.

Slowly, Gabriel probed in until his head popped inside Dean, who hissed feeling how he was being opened. Lubrication was not a problem at all but looking at it on hindsight the tentacle had been way thinner than Gabriel. He felt himself pant, trying to regain some composure. Oddly enough, Gabriel was waiting for him. When Dean nodded at him, Gabriel leaned over him and went as deep as he could in one swift movement. Groaning in pleasure while Dean moaned. Dean was surprised when he realized Gabriel was also breathing quickly. Apparently he was a lot more turned on about this than what Dean had assumed.

“You okay Dean?”

The soft whisper threw Dean out of his comfort zone. There was too much care there, too little cheeky bastard for it to be the same dude he always used to bicker around. Dean just nodded, like fuck he was about to say something stupid now. Gabriel began to move outwards, making Dean whimper softly, his hips trying desperately to follow down Gabriel’s dick, already missing him. Right before he popped out, he came back quickly with a grunt. Soon enough Gabriel was pacing their pleasure masterfully. Dean was not really sure what exclamations were coming from his mouth anymore but he knew Gabriel was bringing him up to a climax he had never experienced before.

When Dean finally came he was sure he passed out for a couple of seconds and there was just no way no one had actually listened to him screaming in pleasure like that without help of archangel grace muffling down everything to the outside world. After a few more thrusts Gabriel reached all the way in moaning breathlessly, pulsing his load into him, pressing his forehead against his clavicle. He let out a final sigh and fell completely limp over the hunter. Dean snickered, still panting.

“I thought you were back at full by now.”

“Shut up”

The tentacles slid away from Dean and disappeared below his bed into nothingness. He sighed, finally able to move freely and stretched out his limbs. Gabriel stirred up and moved to lay by his side. A quick snap later, they were clean and covered by a fluffy comforter and soft sheets. Heads supported by deliciously plump pillows.

“Oh man, had I known you’d make my bed like this I would’ve invited you in long ago...”

Gabriel just hogged Dean, hugging his torso and interlacing their legs. Dean passed his arm below Gabriel’s head now that he was latching to him like that and began to brush his fingers through his hair, not like he had had the impulse to do that before, mind you. Both sighed. They were definitely going to have to talk about this cuddling thing tomorrow, or if something reeeally got in the way maybe the day after tomorrow? Next week? Maybe never. Yeah, never was a good amount of time to prepare each other’s reasons why cuddling like this should definitely not be in their schedule. Some minutes passed in silence while they basked in the afterglow.

“...So what did I do at the couch?”

Gabriel smirked.

“Can’t remember anymore.”

#debriel #ALL THE DEBRIEL #tentacles #lemon #plot what plot #dean winchester #gabriel #gabriel supernatural

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 6 years ago

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Notes on SPN 14.02

So! I saw 14.01 yesterday, which was for the most part, surprisingly, a blast, and since I have a bit of free time today I thought I’d keep a hold of the momentum and watch and liveblog 14.02 as well. I’ve heard it’s one of those Buckleming plot-a-paloozas, but I’ll try my best to provide semi-reasonable commentary instead of incoherent ranting.

Right. As always, typing this post up as I watch. SPOILERS for the episode ahead.

1. We start with a recap of last season’s finale, and Show, do you really want to remind us this many times about that wire-fight?

1.25. Show’s lore regarding possession has been dizzyingly inconsistent, but the more I think about it, the less sense it makes to me that Nick is alive? Because Nick couldn’t actually house Lucifer for very long in s5—he was deteriorating, which was why Lucifer needed Sam so urgently. The last we saw of Nick, he was dead/dying in a dingy room in Detroit, when Lucifer jumped ship to Sam. Even if Lucifer assumed Nick’s visage in the Cage and afterwards when he was brought back, Nick-the-person with Nick-memories and Nick-feelings isn’t there anymore.

1.255. So what does this mean? Like, if this was explained away sometime over the last two seasons--I’m very sorry, I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention to large chunks of them—please let me know. If there’s no explanation, then has Lucifer disappeared inside a Nick-construct? Did he use a loophole to escape the worst of the Archangel Blade right at the moment Dean plunged it into his side? Lucifer was “human” for a while in s13, iirc. Did he have enough “human” to hide behind and recover? And has he filled that human with the memories/personality of one of the humans he knew best? Is it because he spent centuries assuming Nick’s body in the Cage that he’s most comfortable being him here?

… I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing something obvious, but, hey, it’s fun to speculate.

2. We start off with people artfully tied up in an artfully derelict church illuminated artfully by artful lightning.

… *groans* I hope we aren’t getting a torture scene already.

2.25. Well, Michael’s certainly chirpier than he was last episode.

2.5. Is he trying to make new angel minions, is that it, by feeding them blood and his grace? Leaving aside the lack of creativity in the mechanism, the whole thing kind of makes a weird sense. Michael is looking for those with purity of purpose—among religious leaders (and refugees, apparently), angels, and then finally monsters—and rejecting those ‘poisoned’ by nuance and experience and supposed sin. After all, no being whose wants are even slightly more complex than ‘food’ is going to be a perfect follower.

It also plays into his assholey, self-righteous personality and, well, god-complex.

(Dean would’ve appreciated this quest for pure purpose.)

3. There’s a kind of sitcom-y vibe to this little expository scene: Bobby talks shit about angels only for Castiel to walk in with a quirked eyebrow; the group talks about Jack and Lucifer only for Jack to walk in and go, “hey, you talkin bout my father again?”

(these are the tiny ways I feel SPN is at cross-purposes with its own theme of ‘found family’. Everybody’s obsessed with blood relations, to the point that Lucifer and Jack are constantly referred to as ‘father and son’ when there is no need to bring that relationship up. Last year, even Castiel referred to Jack while talking to Lucifer as ‘your son’ without any prompting from Satan. Words are so powerful, and so revealing.)

3.45. Castiel “as you know, Bob”-ing is hilarious. Oh, Buckleming.

3.5. Um, not to dismiss or compare Castiel’s considerable trauma at the hands of Lucifer, but is anybody going to acknowledge even once that Sam, who appears to have taken the brunt of caring for Nick so far, is also going to have trouble looking into his abuser’s face??

4. Nick continues to make no sense to me.

(I like little touches like Castiel telling him that he needs to remind himself to eat.)

4.5. I kinda like this scene, sue me. It makes sense to me that Nick would obsess over and over again about how he could’ve let himself say yes to Lucifer, although Lucifer is as old as time and had all the power in that situation. The ‘monster’ bit is a little too on-the-nose for me, but I like it. Really drives home what an intimate, horrifying violation possession is and how scarred and twisted it can leave the survivor who spirals down a well of undeserved guilt and self-loathing.

I wish Sam was the one talking to him now, or was at least present. He’d talked in the previous scene about how Nick was only ‘housing’ and deserved a chance to rebuild his life, and that hard-earned generosity of spirit would’ve been a balm to all three of them, I think.

5. ETA on the TOD, Bobby? *sporfle* Seriously though, I love this role-reversal: usually it’s Bobby who’s rolling his eyes at SamnDean’s eff-bee-eye shenanigans.

5.25. Ah, but where this Bobby has become an expert now is in telling the difference between smiting patterns!

5.5. I wonder if trying to appear non-threatening is just Sam’s default whenever he meets with, uh, ‘civilians’.

6. I really, honestly hate that the Bunker just happens to have ‘lore books’ on whatever the hell random question they’re having that day. I just kinda hate the Bunker in general, now that I think about it.

6.25. But doesn’t that ‘human component’ (lol) make a Nephilim strong enough to take down even archangels?

6.5. As pep talks go, that wasn’t bad. A few notes:

a) there’s an earnestness to the words that I’m sure that Castiel learned from Sam.

b) I think this is the first time that Castiel—or anybody—has referred to the events of 8.23 as “The Great Fall”. It’s interesting that it’s already gotten a name among angelkind and that Castiel would call it that, given how close he was to the events that led to it.

c) I want to both laugh and cry at Castiel’s assertion that Sam and Dean were there for him after he lost his grace. He was mostly left to fend for himself, obviously, but there’s no space for that in a pep talk.

d) Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Jack is actually just only a year old. Asking him not to dwell on something so… immediate is a tall ask.

7. Ok, so that was a nice snappy little counterpart to Lucifer-talking-to-Sam-in-the-mirror from the s5 finale. I like how Michael is blunt and matter-of-fact while Lucifer relished in the moment, bragged about how he’d had Sam’s number all his life, and seduced him with violent revenge. This is nice.

I don’t know, guys, I’m really enjoying this episode so far!

8. Sooooo Lucifer is residing in some subconscious layer of Nick’s mind? Is this PTSD shaped by his possession? Is Lucifer bleeding through his own construct? Are we going to find that it was actually Nick who killed his own family? (I think we are.)

8.2. Castiel looking for residual Lucifer in Nick reminds me of when he was doing the same for Sam re: Gadreel, and that reminds me of Dean’s ‘teen mom’ joke from that episode and now I’m pissed off.

8.5. Nick is fascinating, but is he fascinating enough that I care about his little revenge sub-plot? Eh. Jury’s out. Plus I just can’t stand the actor anymore

9. Sam’s just kinda there to move the plot along. Give him some more character moments, episode!

10. Michael reminded me of Dean in the scene with the werewolf. I’m really not getting a capital P personality from Michael, though that may be due to a personal choice. Or maybe because Michael was never a distinct character to begin with, and this is far more noticeable when Ackles plays it and ‘Dean’ threatens to take over any minute.

Or going meta for a second—maybe Michael’s deliberately infusing some Dean into his persona. Possession isn’t simply putting a thing inside a box: both entities are influenced and informed by the other, but only one has all the power.

11. … ok, so my interest in this Nick subplot is rapidly decaying. Nick did it. He killed his family. It’s not a mystery.

11.5. The emotional dynamics of this scene… checks out, actually. Of course Nick is projecting all his rage on Castiel. And of course Castiel regrets destroying Jimmy Novak’s life the most. More than toeing the party line and being instrumental in almost bringing the Apocalypse about in s4; more than releasing the Leviathan; more than trusting Metatron in s8; more than killing his brethren, who’ve tortured him back and tried to kill him on more than one occasion. But Castiel has been both angel and human—both possessing and being possessed—long enough that he’s intimately aware of the devastation it leaves both within and without. And there are no excuses for the way he and other angels have done that damage—so carelessly, so casually. Even the most well-intentioned angels are deceptive and manipulative and give not a second thought about their hapless vessels. It’s a sign of Castiel’s growth and compassion that he recognises his responsibility in this and that he invokes Jimmy’s name with both reverence and regret. In all this shouting and crying that Show doesn’t acknowledge the deep-seated trauma of possession survivors, this is actually a great moment.

12. That werewolf leader looks familiar. Has the actor been on SPN before? He kinda reminds me of one of the leads on Suits.

12.5. That’s a lot of clunky dialogue, but Michael is basically confirming what I speculated in point 2. Cool.

13. How Jack managed to get away and find his grandparents is never explained, but that’s a familiar Buckleming trope—characters are put together in a scene without any regard to how it might connect to other scenes or how/why those characters might’ve gotten there.

13.2. That said, it’s kinda poignant that Jack, having lost his angelic powers, is now trying to understand the human side of his heritage. He’s trying his best to adapt to his situation; this one year old kid is more well-adjusted than most of the adults on this show.

13.5. Well, holy shit, Jack talking about Kelly to his grandparents is just… making me feel emotional in a way this show hasn’t made me feel in a long, long time. This Calvert kid is good.

13.6. It is bizarre that Kelly’s parents are mostly ok with not knowing Kelly’s whereabouts for over a year—I don’t think we ever found out what position exactly Kelly held in the President’s office, and I can picture them in a bit of denial by telling themselves the reason they haven’t heard from Kelly is because she is in the middle of super-secret government work. I don’t know! But it’s just about handwave-able though, and their scene with Jack is worth it.

14. Honestly, Castiel, how did he travel so far and for so long without you noticing? So much for “Don’t worry, Sam, I will babysit this defenceless creature.”

(Speaking of Sam, wheeeerrreee’s Saaaaammmm)

“I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind.”

“Have you heard from Sam?”

I LOVE YOU, JACK.

14.5. No, actually, Dean wouldn’t want it any other way. He said as much when Gadreel took over Sam completely back in s9.

15. Shoo, Nick.

16. FINALLY MORE SAM. With only like 4 minutes of episode left. What, Show, did you think you spoiled us too much last episode with all that glorious, glorious Sam content?

16.25. And finally a bit of action! The rapid-fire editing is making my head hurt, though.

16.5. Soooooooooooooo Dean’s back? Obviously Michael is playing a long game here, but it says something about the show that they can’t keep Dean away for more than two episodes without getting the shakes. I honestly miss Sera Gamble and her desire to rattle the status quo: in s6, she kept the so-called ‘real’ Sam away for half the season, which gave us imo some of the best storytelling, characterisation and acting from both Padalecki and Ackles in the entire show. In s7 she took away all the Winchester markers: the Impala, weird motel rooms, Bobby’s house. Of course, after she left the show settled back into a familiar rut (substituting Bobby’s house with that thrice-damned Bunker). I wish the show would take risks with these two again. s9 and the beginning of s10 were so very promising but there was no follow-through.

I guess they want to MotW fillers for a few episodes and that would be weird without SamnDean SamnDeaning it in the Impala, but Show, why don’t you just say ‘fuck it’ and try weird on for size? What do you have to lose? I mean, seriously?

17. Nick’s the murderer—called it!

18. This wasn’t terrible, you guys. 95% of the episode was just people sitting around having conversations, the dialogue was clunky, ideas derivative, scenes progressed without any rational links between them, the pacing was wonky, and there was too much exposition. But the emotional beats were solid and the set up is reasonably intriguing. I’ve seen far, far worse BuckLeming episodes.

Pacing is a real issue in this season, though. And Michael is not remotely intimidating as a threat.

#supernatural #season 14 #spn spoilers #sam winchester #castiel #michael #jack kline #meta #unpopular opinion: this ep was... pretty ok

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reckless-desire-to-live · 7 years ago

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sorry if this is too personal, you don't have to answer, but why would you want to have sex if you're asexual? i don't mean to be rude, i just want to understand. would it be for kids? and can you physically enjoy sex? i'm really sorry if this comes out as insensitive or overly personal.

Whew, okay. So no, this totally isn’t too personal for me- I’ve specifically opened myself up for these types of questions exactly. There isn’t a single thing you could ask me that I would find too personal! Scout’s honour, and all that. First things first, this is a good (if a little short, but handy) link you can check out for a brief run-up on asexuality that addresses some of those questions a little. There are plenty of different websites and blogs and forums although I caution against taking everything you read with more than a grain of salt because there’s a lot of misinformation on asexuality. Even asexual people aren’t immune to perpetuating myths. That being said, I should clarify before answering that I absolutely do NOT speak for the entire asexual community- I only speak for myself (and sort of a few others I’ve spoken to, and general info I’ve collected, etc. but I can’t even hold myself to that). I mean, that’s a bit of an obvious caption but still needs to be said: I am a source of info, but I don’t represent everyone!So, that being said. First question: Why would you have sex if you’re asexual? There are plenty of ways to answer this. Just to be clear so we’re starting on the same page, asexuality only refers to sexual attraction. It means a lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. It doesn’t mean lack of romantic attraction, it doesn’t mean not liking sex, etc. Just no sexual attraction.

When people ask me this question, I like to walk them through this thought exercise, just as a starting point: Imagine someone in your life that you’re quite fond of as a person. A friend, maybe, or an acquaintance or colleague or whatever. Pick someone who’s objectively or “conventionally” attractive, and who has a good personality, but for whatever reason you’re just not really attracted to them- you just don’t feel that “spark” or lust or whatever. Really reflect on how you feel about them, how you know it’s different than someone you’re really attracted to, etc. Now, imagine that the way you that feel right now, about this person that you’ve been thinking of, is the closest thing to sexual attraction that you’ll EVER feel to anyone in your entire life. You’ve only ever felt that way, and you only ever will again. To anyone. But everything else- your personality, thoughts on sex, kinks, fantasies, masturbation habits, fears and excitements, everything else is exactly the same about you. Would you still have sex in your life? The answer could be yes, could be no, could be maybe. And that’s exactly the point!I’m asexual, but I still have a sex drive. My body still decides every now and again to get horny just like everyone else, based on hormone fluctuations and the like. My body also still physically reacts to stimulus. I masturbate probably just as regularly as anyone else. Those things aren’t true for every asexual, of course, but they also aren’t true for every non-ace either. So what do you do when you have a “regular” sex drive (or a high one, or low but still-existent one) and just no individual person who makes it flare up or whom you want to exercise it with? That’s the question, and that’s why so many of us are all over the board. Now. Asexual people’s attitudes toward sex can generally be broken down into three fluid categories: sex-repulsed, sex-indifferent, and sex-favourable. That’s the same as any other orientation! There are straight people who are any of these three, too. For someone who’s sex indifferent, they have no qualms about sex and no issue with it- just maybe don’t actively seek it out- and so they may have sex as part of a negotiation of relationship boundaries and desires, for example. Or just because, really (I’ve heard one ace person describe sex as “a cross between mini golf and grocery shopping” for them- basically, not super fun, don’t mind it once you’re doing it, and every once in a while they just decide to initiate it for kicks). Generally, sex-repulsed people don’t have sex, or try to avoid it on a whole, although there are exceptions to this too. This goes for everyone again, not just aces, although there are just larger concentrated numbers of sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed ace people relative to other orientations because there’s just less of a drive for us to get involved with any particular person that way. But all relationships have negotiations like this, and everyone has different preferences!Don’t forget that we are throwing romantic attraction into the mix in all this too- ace people date, have crushes, whatever, so it’s all wrapped up together. I’m generally a sex-favourable ace for the most part, although I fluctuate to repulsed now and again. I have a ton of reasons for being “into” sexual things, which would just fill up even more space on this gigantic answer, so I won’t go into it too much. But honestly, in my head, I perceive sex with someone as a sort of mutual masturbation- physically reaching orgasm, because it’s physically stimulating and well, you know if you’ve ever masturbated lol, but just doing it with another person whom I already happen to romantically love and enjoy kissing so they’re already there and they like sex, so eh lets help each other out you know? Intimacy and trust can be nice too, as can the incorporation of kink/fetish/fantasy, depending on if that kind of thing is your thing or not. So again, same reasons a lot of people have sex, just without the “holy crap I’m attracted to you and must take your clothes off” part. *shrugs*So that answers the third question: yes, aces can physically (discounting the emotional piece for a second, which we’ve just touched on) enjoy sex the same way a gay man could enjoy sex with a woman or a woman could enjoy sex with a man she’s just not all that into. For many sex-repulsed aces this would not be true since sex would likely be coercive/traumatizing on a whole, but same for any straight people who’ve been traumatized, or are just really grossed out by one specific sex act, or whatever. So, now we come to the last bit: Would it be for kids? So I’m not entirely sure what you’re asking here, or even that it wasn’t a typo, but I’m going to assume the least weird-and-creepy version of this question and answer that, which is: Can kids be/identify as asexual? (if this is not what you meant, please feel free to ask again).My answer to that is basically just, well, yeah, kind of. I mean I would never use the word asexual, or the definition regarding sexual attraction, to describe a child or offer up an identity for them since they aren’t anywhere near sexual attraction yet with a 10 foot pole. A teenager though? Sure. Even a preteen? Possibly. But even for actual young children, many of us ace people knew we were “different” from a really young age without even slightly incorporating anything to do with sex or sexual attraction (obviously), just because asexuality kind of.. branches. It affects things. I actually plan on talking about all of the nuances of this at some point in a longer post, so I won’t word vomit here too much. But basically, even putting aside the fact that many ace people are also aromantic, or on the aromantic spectrum somewhere, people who aren’t aromantic but are ace (like me) still could have some fundamental piece of that asexuality affect things. For example I actually do experience romantic attraction, yet I’ve never had a “crush” of any kind on anyone in my life. I didn’t even have those “little kid crushes” where the girls used to chase the boys around in grade one and try to pet their hair or kiss their cheek and then cry cooties afterward, or whatever. I just didn’t. I still experience romantic attraction, but just somehow a little differently than most people I know (and it kicked in really “late,” too, like late teens) and I honestly think it’s all tied together with my asexuality. If someone had just told me as a kid “hey, it’s okay if you like boys, girls, both, other genders, etc., and it’s also okay if you happen to not like anyone ,or if you do like people but just in a different way than it seems like your friends do. It’s all okay!” it would have made a HUGE difference in my life. If I had known it was a “thing” and not just me, I would have related to the asexual identity (although not the word, necessarily, or the definition, again because I was a child) since literally kindergarten. So yeah, I absolutely think kids can be some version of “ace,” sure. If you have any other questions, or follow-up/clarification ones, feel free to hmu. If you wanna run for the hills after this lecture, I wish you luck. (Okay, wow that was ridiculously long, I seriously high five you rn if you actually made it this far- here, have a relaxed polar bear)

#asks #thanks for asking!#as you can tell if you get me started I wont stop haha #hope this helps clarify some things!#asexuality #mine #polar bears?#sure

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inquisitorhotpants · 7 years ago

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So, TLJ

I was going to wait until I saw it again, but ... ehhh let’s get this done. God this post is gonna be long. I’m gonna miss stuff.

I have 6 main gripes with this movie and I want to get those out of the way first.

That should have been Anakin, not that shitty-ass space frog. Fuck Yoda.

The codebreaker Maz sent them for should have been Lando, and “we didn’t have time for Lando” is still nonsense.

Rian, that is a bladderbuster of a movie, we did not need the milking scene, pal.

Also Joss Whedon gets tiresome, let’s dial back the jokes per second yeah? SW is tonally different from Avengers, let’s not make them all samey same.

Why was there no mourning for Han that was visible instead of only learned through “The Art of TLJ” (Leia’s hairstyle was Alderaanian mourning braids.)

... MOAR PHASMA, are you for real with this 0.3 seconds nonsense.

Now, I was so incredibly underwhelmed by TFA (I have literally never watched it since I saw it in theaters one time per my obligation as a Star Wars fan, I felt like JJ Abrams didn’t even care enough to make an original movie) that I wasn’t jazzed about TLJ.

I was very, very, very wrong in that. Holy fuckballs was I ever fucking wrong.

Luke

The flashback trio, holy SHIT. The sanitized, Obi-Wan’d version. Kylo’s “Bilbo seeing the ring” scary-ass wrong version. And finally, Luke’s “I fucked up so so much” version. Luke has always struggled with the Dark Side, with his anger. You see it at the end of RotJ where he’s just hammering on Vader, until he goes a step too far and goes “oh my god what am I doing.” And then you find out that he bought his own hype, and the Order’s own hype, and drifted close to the Dark Side again, thanks to past trauma from dealing with Vader and his own established tendency to come close to the dark.

But he regrets it so so much. Mark’s monologue talking about that, where you can hear the pain and regret and guilt in his voice, it’s some of his best acting. Luke, driven by shame over what he almost did, driven by survivor guilt, ends up in a very dark place. Shame and guilt are real fucking beasties, and feeling that you failed your students, your nephew, your best friend, your sister, and the galaxy? Jesus. It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.

And then finally, someone with the same kind of optimism he used to have shows up, a real genuine Rey of Sunshine as it were. And she does exactly what he did with Vader. She tries, even though she has less of a dog in this fight than he does, and it’s just .... i love it, guys.

That force projection. GodDAMN. Even Threepio can see him! HOLY SHIT.

The mirroring of his sacrifice, buying our heroes time, of Obi-Wan’s, was so poignant.

I cried like a baby all through the scene with him and Carrie. It was so good.

And then his scene with Kylo, with this man who’s just devoured by anger and feelings of inadequacy and this desperate need to prove himself to a shitty-ass authority figure (Snoke). It was excellent.

Basically A+ all around, gave Luke nuance and a real depth of character that I wasn’t expecting but I loved after I’d really sat and ruminated on it. He’s always been so positive, and things worked out for him (mostly), and this failure (and there’s the theme of the movie, how you handle failure) just walloped him upside the head and it felt so very, very real to me. <3

I also cried when his robes blew off that rock on Ahch-To. (I cried a lot in this movie lmao)

“Where’s Han?” (me: “fuck me i’m crying a lot.”)

Leia

SPACE MOM OMG <3

Look even if i’d hated the rest of this movie, I was going for Space Mom.

She’s so tired of fighting. She’s so tired of losing that which she loves most. She’s so ready to just sit down and rest. But she won’t, because Leia is the most resilient, and so stubborn and determined and fierce and amazing. Even getting shot into goddamn space isn’t going to stop her.

LEIA USING THE FORCE AND BY GOD SHE HAS SO MUCH STRENGTH IN IT because she’s so very much also Anakin’s kid. <3

Leia being so done with Poe’s nonsense. She’s not going to keep seeing these wholesale sacrifices. Winning doesn’t matter if you don’t have anyone left. The Resistance is not cannon fodder. They are not the First Order, and their people matter.

Every single scene with Leia I loved. All of them.

The hurt, and the pain, and the resignation in her voice when she says her son is gone, it broke my heart guys. You can tell she isn’t happy about it. You can tell she didn’t arrive at this decision lightly. Letting go of a family member who’s determined to pursue something destructive is hard as fuck. I’ve seen it happen in my own family. Leia has lost so, so much. Her planet, her parents, her adoptive parents, her husband, her son, and now she knows she’s losing Luke too? I just ... my heart.

Leia and Rey at the end! <3 Loved it.

the goddamn tribute before the credits, yep cried there too.

Rey

God I love Rey.

Zero time for Kyle Ron’s nonsense.

GET REKD NERD /vrooms off in the Falcon

Her strength of character, her mirroring of Luke’s attempt at redemption, her positioning as light to dark, her “fine fuck you I’m leaving” when redemption is rejected, I love everything about Rey.

THE REUNION WITH FINN <3

The introduction to Poe

Did I mention I love Rey? I love Rey. Rey is so driven and determined and amazing. <3 She has no time for an old-ass man’s nonsense. She has no time for a gold bathrobe wearing man’s nonsense. She has no time for Kyle Ron’s nonsense. “Look I have shit to get done so lead, follow, or get the fuck out of my way.” When Luke wouldn’t stand up (because he’s still fighting his own personal demons), she goes “fine, I’ll do it myself.” When Kyle Ron wouldn’t actually burn down the past, she goes, “fine, I have things to do.”

Rey is the Actual Best.

Rey uses her anger! Holy shit I love that.

Kylo Ren

Look I have to give massive props to Adam Driver. The way he plays someone who’s been emotionally abused, fuck, that shit was giving me flashbacks to my own life. (snoke reminds me of my mom lmao my childhood was great.)

Unlike TFA, I actually found him compelling as a character this time.

That scene in the elevator actually sort of hurt my heart a little. “Okay, FINE. You don’t think I’m anything? You think I don’t deserve this? THEN I’LL FUCKING SHOW YOU, I’LL DO IT WITHOUT IT, I’LL BE BETTER THAN YOU EVER EXPECTED” and the unspoken “and then you’ll finally accept me”. I got a little choked up, thanks past trauma.

God I remember trying for decades to get my mom to love me, to say something nice that she meant, to just pretend she liked me. You agree with horrible shit, you feel beat down all the time, all trying to make this truly awful person think you’re somebody.

So I understand part of Kylo Ren’s drive, tbh.

But he still chose the Space Nazis TWICE. And threw off the love of his family and his uncle. So fuck that jackass.

Look, my mom left literal scars on my face, and i didn’t burn down my school, murder the students, and go join the Hitler Youth.

He’s the embodiment of “prior trauma does not excuse current actions”

A+ to Adam Driver for playing a character I can go “oh man that sucks, but I would still space your ass in half a second you shitty-ass human being.”

Finn

I love Finn so so so much and I could watch a whole movie just about Finn and Rose and Rey and Poe just ... generally wrecking rich people’s shit around the galaxy ngl.

I wish the fight with Phasma was longer. That was a bit of a letdown.

But Finn is just perfect. I love him.

Can we talk about how he looked like an Actual Disney Prince running over to make sure Rose was okay? Because he did and I loved it.

Also how he was totally prepared to give his life to save the Resistance because he has something to fight for, and I wasn’t SUPER sure he was going to be stopped and my heart was in my throat that whole time because Finn you fucking precious human being you. <3

THE REUNION oh my god 12 seconds of sublime perfection. THEY WERE SO HAPPY. (i cried. but i bet you knew that already lmao)

Rose

Cute, takes no shit, period. Love her. Awkward and adorable and just fantastic.

She felt very reminiscent of Cassian with her “I’ve been fighting this my whole life” stance, and I loved it.

Little acts of kindness can have huge rippling effects on the universe. <3

I can’t wait to see more of her.

Watching her and Finn totally fucking up rich people’s days, goddamn that was satisfying as fuck.

I liked the kiss. It was pretty clear she was crushing on Finn the whole time (well maybe not to Finn lmao), it wasn’t drawn out. It didn’t make anything canon, and while I may be all about Finnrey and get more of a brotp vibe from Finnrose, I certainly wouldn’t be mad if it ends up going that way. I thought it was cute. “Fuck it, i’m gonna do it before i pass out.”

Poe

Poe getting schooled by two older, more experienced women, A+.

Poe reminded me of Saw Guerrera, actually, speaking of Rogue One parallels. He wants to win, no matter the cost. Let’s remember that Saw ended up leaving the main body of the Rebellion over this.

I thought Poe’s arc was great, tbh. He learned that you have to be able to ADAPT.

I’m still personally “eh” on not disclosing anything, but at the same time, even if Holdo had told him at least a general idea of what was going on, I think he still would have sent Rose and Finn, he still would have staged the mutiny. His entire thing is “i know better” when he doesn’t, and he learns that he certainly does not always know better. There was a LOT of character growth there, and I loved it. So much of this movie adds depth to characters. <3

That intro to Rey! I loved it so much.

POE AND BB8, enough said, god they were cute. THEY HAD A FOREHEAD TOUCH. <3

General things I really liked

that scene where Holdo jumps into the ship. utter silence, light spilling forth from a source of darkness, GODDAMN that shit gave me chills. Amazing.

The aesthetics, as always. Star Wars movies are just beautiful.

Porgs! Jesus they were cute.

“Jakku pretty much is nowhere.” lmao fucking sassy-ass skywalker men

Literally everything with Chewie.

THE SOUNDTRACK.

Snoke Bond Villain-ing it up and promptly dying lmao. “Let me reveal everything about my plan including the fact that I faked this Force bond thing” /pulls a Darth Maul

THAT LIGHTSABER FIGHT GODDAMN. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” basically.

Luke flicking invisible dust off his shoulder.

there’s a lot more but uh yeah i liked this a lot. I’m going to go see it at least one more time.

#tlj spoilers #i've never had such an entire 180 on opinion from before seeing to after seeing

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